Page 65 of Above All Else

“It’s not...” My breaths came in a rush, my head swam, my mouth parched as though I hadn’t guzzled a liter of water today.

Ethan’s vacant eyes stare back at me. Blood soaks the sheets around him.

Black hair dangles dripping with blood. Her face pale as the blood fills the cups below.

I pressed my hand to my chest. “I can’t...” I gasped. “breathe.”

“Hey. Hey.” Carter’s hand touched my back. “Justbreathe, dollface.”

I jerked away, my palms balmy against my thighs. “Keep your hands... on the steering wheel.”

“Okay.” He pulled his hand up in mock surrender, then placed it on the steering wheel where it belonged. “I’m in control of the car. We’re okay, June.”

“No.” I shook my head, tears burning my eyes.

What’s wrong with me?

“Practice your breathing, just like I showed you yesterday.”

In, out, in, out.

My breathing leveled out, and the tightness in my chest subsided.

“Do you have these often?”

“No. Never.”

He breathed in a deep breath through his nose. “Okay. I’ll have a friend call in a few Alprazolam for you.”

“Alpha-what?”

“Alprazolam. It’s Xanax.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to be doped up.”

“It’s only temporary. Just to help you until you get settled.” He kept his gaze out the window. “I’m worried about you, June.”

Scoffing, I played with my comfortable sweats. “I guess you should have thought about...”

He dragged a hand through his hair, his jaw clenched tight.

He’s trying.

I let loose an exhaustivesigh. “Sorry.”

“Don’t do that.”

“What? I said I was sorry.”

He pulled into the parking lot of the sandwich shop and found a spot in front. “There isn’t anything you need to apologize for. I’m the one who messed up.”

My fingers moved over my cotton pants. “I wasn’t... I was apologizing for diminishing your sincerity. I know you care, but it’s easier for me to deal if I’m mad at you.”

He turned the car off, the rain slowing. “Cognitive dissonance is a very normal human response to what you’ve gone through.”

I shook my head with a genuine smirk.

“What?”