Page 46 of Breaking Free
“You told me that it couldn’t happen again.”
He perches his ass on a small desk to my left. “Yeah, well, I’m stupid. I thought by saying that I’d make the situation easier for myself, but I’m still thinking about you...and things. Maybe you were right. Maybe if I came out and told people, I’d feel less tension and frustration. But I don’t have the same confidence you do. Or Jay does, for that matter. Y’all don’t care what people think or say, and I do. I don’t know why, but I do. I was supposed to tell my parents and chickened out.” He takes a breath. “Regardless of all that, I just wanted to tell you that I want—”
“Me,” I say, standing up. “You want me.”
He watches me approach him and doesn’t look away. “Yeah. I want you.”
“In secret.”
“For now.”
“Okay,” I say, coming to a stop between his sprawled legs. “What’re you gonna do about it?”
“Uh. What do you mean?” he asks.
“You want me, so what’re you gonna do about that?”
“Oh.” He bites his lip, looking down before I nudge his chin up with my finger. “I’m not used to...you know.”
“Initiating sex.”
“Right. Well, I’ve done it before, with girls, but…”
He rubs his thumb over a small patch on his jeans, becoming flustered and nervous as I reach out and grab his hips.
“I think, then, that we’re perfect together. I like being in charge and in control, and you comply so easily.” I caress his cheek with my knuckles as he looks into my eyes. “You like it, too, don’t you?”
His teeth scrape his bottom lip before he nods. “Yeah. It takes the worry out of the situation. Like you said, I’m in my head too much. With you, I feel free.”
My heart flutters at his words. It’s one thing to turn someone on, but to bring them a sense of freedom is something I’ve never experienced before.
I run my fingers through his hair, not taking my eyes off of him. “Don’t check out this time. Not ever again. You’re free while we’re doing sexual things, but as soon as we’re done, you climb back into your mind and put up a wall. Let me in, Campbell.”
He nods and noise outside brings us out of our own little bubble.
“So, what now?” he asks.
“I guess I need to ditch my date,” I tell him with a crooked grin.
“Ugh. How are you into that guy?”
I playfully smack him in the stomach with the back of my hand. “Sounds like someone’s jealous.”
He purses his lips. “He’s not that cute.”
“Doesn’t hold a candle to you, Campbell. Come on, let’s get out of here.”
“My place?” he asks.
“Better than mine,” I tell him. “I’ll leave first and say bye to people, then you come out and I’ll meet you at the end of the street.”
“Okay.”
20
I liedto Matthew and told him my mom needed me, but he seemed pretty content with his friends and tried to say he’d make it up to me. That won’t be necessary, but I’ll let him down another day.
After telling Jay I was leaving, I bypassed a group of people and climbed into my car, driving it down the street and around the corner.