Page 62 of Breaking Free
“I’ve been into guys for a while. I always wondered why I never felt a connection with girls, and while I had a few thoughts here and there, like thinking a guy was attractive, I didn’t think it meant anything. I mean, I didn’t know for sure until I had this moment with Renzo, and then I decided to pretend that didn’t happen and made out with a bunch of girls to convince myself I was straight. When that did nothing for me, I had another, very brief kiss with Zo again, and knew without a doubt that it was men that I was into. When we went to Grand Valley, I uhh...ran into Dominic and we had a moment. Didn’t know he’d show up here, so there’s that. And yeah, we just kind of re-started things, I guess you could say?” I look to Dom, waiting for him to say something, but he just nods with a smirk on his face.
“I need to sit,” Jay says, falling into one of the dining room chairs. “Renzo? Our Renzo? The one with Ronan?”
“It happened before Ronan.”
“But that means he knows. Do they both know?”
I nod, putting my hands in my pockets. “Yeah.”
“And y’all fuckers kept it from me? Why?”
I sigh. “I don’t know, man. Nobody else knows. I don’t know how to tell people, and my parents don’t even know. It was nothing against you. Renzo only knew because it was him who I, you know, did stuff with. Of course he told his boyfriend.”
“Jesus Christ, man,” he says. “I...well, I’m shocked, but probably more so that you’re with this guy,” he says with a good-natured grin, glancing at Dominic.
“Yeah, well, he’s pretty persistent.”
“He likes it, though,” Dom says, finally speaking up.
Jay laughs again, his hands going to his face. “I can’t deal with y’all. This shit’s crazy. So, what is this? Just casual hooking up? Experimenting on your part?” he questions, looking at me.
Me and Dom turn to each other, neither one of us answering. I finally say, “I don’t know.”
Jay chuckles again, shaking his head. “Well, I’m happy for you. I’m glad you’re taking steps to be your authentic self.”
“A few more steps to go, I guess.”
“You’ll get there,” he says. “Now, let’s talk about our game at Glen Prep, and then plan your birthday party.”
I grin, happy that my coming out moment to Jay wasn’t nearly as traumatic as I imagined it would be. But if I’m being honest, I never thought he’d react negatively. It’s other people I’m more concerned with.
* * *
As I sitin the driveway of my parents’ house, I think about all the ways this can go wrong. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming to talk to them, just in case I chicken out. Once Jayden left, Dominic only hung around for a few more minutes before he left for his house, and I decided to drive out here and get it over with.
But now my fear is getting the better of me. My parents and I have a decent relationship. We don’t talk every single day, but I usually check in every week or so. We live half an hour away from each other, so it’s not too far, and I definitely visit for major holidays. They’ve been to a handful of my games, but they aren’t too big on football.
I try to flip through a rolodex of memories, attempting to remember if I ever heard either one of them voice an opinion on gay people, gay marriage, or anything like that, and nothing comes to mind. But just because people don’t vocalize their hatred for a particular group of people doesn’t mean they don’t hold those feelings deep inside. I could unlock it right now, and that worries me. I love my parents, and they’ve always supported me, but would this be the one thing they couldn’t get on board with?
My time in my head comes to an end when my mom pulls open the front door, squinting out at the driveway with her hand over her eyes.
“Trevor? What’re you doing out there?”
I take a deep breath and blow it out before stepping outside. “Hey, Mom.”
She gathers me in her arms when I get to the porch before holding me at arm's length, looking me over. “What’s wrong? You okay?”
I give her a crooked grin. “I’m fine. I can’t come visit?”
“Well, you usually call first.”
“Is Dad here?”
She opens the screen door and steps inside. “He’s down in the basement.”
“New project?”
“He’s making a little coffee table for me, but with a little cubby in the center, so the top kind of slides out. It’ll be cute.”