Page 135 of His Secret
She whirls around. “But what? What, Adrian? You don’t regret it? You don’t wish you could take it back?”
I look at her, knowing she won’t want to hear the truth, though she thinks she does. It’s going to make an already painful situation hurt even more.
“I feel bad that I hurt you.”
“What a fucking cowardly answer,” she sneers. “You fuck someone else but don’t have the balls to tell your wife that you did it because you wanted to. That not once did you think about me. That my feelings weren’t even in your head, because all you could think about was yourself. You fucked him knowing it was wrong. You fucked him knowing it would hurt me. You fucked him. You fucked him. You fucked him!” she yells, tears now streaming down her face.
“Charlotte, I've loved him since I was twenty-one!” I shout.
She blanches, eyes wide.
“I know that hurts to hear, but it’s true. He’s the only person I’ve ever been myself with. We were forced apart by my father using threats and manipulation. Just aswewere forced into this relationship,” I say, gesturing between us. “My whole life I’ve been forced to pretend and lie. I’ve never lived for myself, Charlotte. I made decisions my father wanted me to make. I married you and knew I could never love you the same way. I wanted to be there for you, and I was. I supported you and cared for you, and I don’t regret those things. I don’t, Char. You needed me.”
A sob breaks free, and she covers her mouth.
“Seeing him again brought everything back, and yes, I made decisions I knew were wrong. I knew they’d hurt you. I know I’m fucked up for that, but it felt like I was finally making decisions for myself and not for anyone else. I was doing something I wanted to do. I was reclaiming what was taken from me. It was a hundred percent selfish, and I admit that.”
She shakes her head, softly crying. “I can’t believe this.”
Tears well in my eyes watching her break down. I want to hug her and hold her, but I’m sure she doesn’t want me to touch her. I take a few steps closer to where she leans against the wall.
“You deserve better than me, Char. And you’ll find someone who will worship the ground you walk on, and I’ll be so happy for you.”
“Stop,” she says through another sob. “Please just leave me alone.”
Slowly, I back away, and turn to head upstairs. I go intothe bedroom and sit on the bed, drop my head in my hands, and let the tears fall.
Even though I needed to tell her the truth, and though I knew I needed to end our marriage, it doesn't make this process feel any better. It still hurts, and I’m still heartbroken over it.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
ADRIAN
I wakeup at five in the morning after a restless night, and find that Charlotte is gone. I send a message to Matías letting him know I will need the day off after all, but I don’t go into details. Not yet.
I send another message to Charlotte, asking her to please let me know she’s okay, but it goes unanswered.
After a shower, I put on a pot of coffee and then sit at the dining room table and decide who I need to call first.
Amelia. I call her number.
“What’s wrong?” she answers.
“What a way to answer the phone.”
“Well, it’s six-thirty in the morning and you never call this early. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” I say with a sigh.
“Then why the fuck are you calling me at six-thirty?”
“Do you have some time to talk? You going to work soon?”
“I have an hour before I absolutely need to crawl out of bed. What’s going on?”
“Well, I wanted to tell you something before it runsthrough the grapevine, picking up some bullshit along the way.”
“I’m definitely awake now.”