Page 141 of His Secret
I remember the words Matías told me before.Forgiveness is for the guilty party. Not the wronged.
I nod and silence stretches between us for a minute.
“I’m not forgiving you,” she starts. “But I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with a woman, because that does nothing for me. So I can only imagine what it was like for you.”
“Perhaps if we had just stayed friends, and didn’t try to have an actual relationship, we would’ve been fine.”
“Well, I know we got married because my dad needed me to look like I had my life together with a decent guy instead of birthing a drug-addicted baby.”
“Char, don’t. You stopped as soon as you knew. You were doing your best.”
She shrugs. “Karma, I suppose. I was terrible. I made stupid decisions and disappointed my family at every turn.” Charlotte blows out a breath and looks off to the side. “Anyway, I knew it wasn’t a typical relationship, but I did really like you. We got along and laughed, and when it moved toward intimacy, I thought it was natural for us both. I didn’t know…I just assumed you felt about me the way I felt about you.”
“I should’ve told you. I should’ve trusted you to keep it between us, but then you’d just be in a relationship withsomeone you’d never feel wanted by. Someone you’d never sleep with. And I truly thought I could make it work.”
She gives me a sad grin. “We could’ve had an open marriage.”
I smile back at her. “Now you tell me.”
We chuckle a little before we fall into silence.
“I wish you would’ve told me before you started this affair. I wish I had the chance to understand how you were feeling.”
“I’m sorry.” I pin my lips together. “I didn’t have the intention of coming out. I had finally got away from my father, but felt like I couldn’t leave you. It seemed like you needed me, and I didn’t want to do anything to—” I stop myself, not really willing to say what her father and mine have always said.
“To what? Send me down a dark path again? Well, an affair isn’t much better.” I study her and she rolls her eyes. “I’m still sober.”
“With him…I didn’t expect it to happen. Not at first. I had hurt him and he wasn’t interested in talking to me. Especially when he found out I was married.”
“That changed,” she says with a scoff.
“It did,” I say softly, not sure she wants me to go into any other details.
“He was your first love?” she asks after a while.
“My only love,” I answer honestly.
She looks into my eyes, and I see the wetness in hers. With a single nod, she bites into her bottom lip. “Well.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the keys, handing them to me. “Here you go.”
I take them and hand her the rental’s keys.
“I rented it for a week. If you need more time, I’ll extend it.”
She takes the keys and nods. “Okay.”
“Do you know what you’re going to do? Are you moving back here?”
“Dad offered to let me stay here. Probably because he thinks I’ll end up on the streets otherwise.” She sighs. “I need to find a job so I don’t have to be here.”
“I’ll help you,” I tell her. “I have money saved.”
“You just bought a house. You have a mortgage now. How can you also pay for me to live somewhere?”
“I’ll sell it,” I tell her. “Find something smaller.”
She shakes her head. “Chicago’s expensive.”
“Let me help you. It’s the least I could do.”