Page 27 of His Secret
He’s quiet for a while, and when I take a peek, I see him chewing on his bottom lip and running his hand up and down his thigh. He’s trying to keep from saying something that’s floating around in his head.
My eyes linger too long on his thigh considering I’m driving, so I shake myself out of it and refocus.
“Are you dating anyone?”
The words hang between us, heavy and uncomfortable. When I don’t answer, because I’m stuck in my head about how to respond, he continues.
“I mean, do you go out socially to meet anyone?”
“You don’t have to go out socially to find someone to date.”
“Of course. There are tons of apps. Is that what you do?”
I look at him again and wonder why he’s so curious. Would he care? That would be quite hypocritical.
“I’m not dating anyone exclusively,” I answer, hoping to leave it at that.
When I think he’s done asking questions, he’s back with another.
“Are you happy?”
I open my mouth to give the usual response.Of course, followed by a tight-lipped smile that hides the truth. But Ithink contentment and happiness are quite different, and while I’ve been content with my life for a while, I’m not sure I’d say I was happy. I’m just living. I work, I fuck, I eat, and occasionally, I get out on the lake to contemplate if this is how I want to live my life. But I can’t tell him all of that.
“Are you?” I ask instead.
His answer isn’t immediate, but when it comes, it’s paired with a shrug. “Yeah.” I glance at him and he forces a tight-lipped smile.
I nod. “Yeah. Same.”
And for the first time in a long time, I think maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to go back into the past. To be young and in love. To laugh and find joy in the smallest things. To be naive enough to think the world wouldn’t come to fuck you.
“Remember the Halloween party at your house?” I ask.
His smile stretches across his face, and I can’t help but smile back at him.
“Of course I do.”
The Past
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ADRIAN
“Are you serious right now?”I ask through my laughter.
“What?” Matías asks, looking down at his red and white striped sweater.
“Where’s Waldo?”
“Right here,” he answers with a smile.
I flick the little ball on the top of his beanie. “Yeah, I know.”
I let him in the house and go straight to my room. The party doesn’t start for another few hours, and my roommates are out getting last minute drinks and supplies.
“What are you gonna be dressed as?”
“You’ll see.” Once we’re in my room, I close and lock the door. “But first.” I pull off his beanie and toss it on the dresser.