Page 104 of Lessons In Grey
“Did you know that there isn’t a single snowflake in the world, in all of history, that is identical to another?” he asked as I found his eyes. “Not one. Just like people. Even identical twins, you’re different. Unique in your own beautiful way. Out of all of the people I have met in this world, all of the minds I have infiltrated, you are the most beautiful, the most unique. Your fractals grow in a way I have never seen before, and it ensnared me so fully. I can’t save a snowflake, eventually they will melt and a new batch will fall in a year, but you? I can keep you. I can trace your fractalsuntil the end of my days, and I very much plan on doing that until the very last beat of my heart.”
I searched his eyes, my heart warming. That’s what he thought of me? What he’s always thought of me?
Grey smiled softly when I didn’t respond. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I nodded, my face heating. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I searched his eyes for a moment. “What happens now?”
His eyes were alight. “In what sense, baby?”
I gestured between the two of us, hoping he heard the words I couldn’t find.
His eyes shifted to the school, thoughts pouring through them far too fast for me to catch. Finally, he turned back to me. “You said you wanted to please me,” he spoke, my face immediately burning. “You said that you wanted to be taken care of, to be guided, in a sense. What does that mean to you?”
I swallowed, shifting uncomfortably. “Um,” I cleared my throat and shrugged, pulling at my sleeves. “I just,” I shrugged, turning to the school.
“No,” Grey stated, leaning forward to catch my chin. He gently guided it back until our eyes locked again. “Look me in the eyes and tell me.”
My heart thudded as his thumb traced over my chin. He held that position for only a few seconds before he leaned back, watching me intently.
I chewed on my lip and shook my head, unsure what to say.
He nodded once. “Do you want it in more than just our sex life? Me being in control like this.”
I released a breath, feeling my shoulders relax a bit. “As in when you tell me to drink water and eat a good meal if I want…you?”
He smiled softly. “As in exactly that. As in boundaries. Do you want me telling you what to wear? Telling you where to be and when to be there? Telling you if you can even talk to your friends?”
I frowned and shook my head. “No, no, that sounds like imprisonment.”
His eyes were glowing with a kind light. “Some people like that. Men and women alike.”
I studied him. I had heard about dynamics and I had done research on them, very little, just out of pure curiosity. There were truly some things I never understood. Pain, for instance. It didn’t make sense to me, the pain during sex. “They like it when their significant other tells them if they’re allowed to talk to their friends? I don’t understand that.”
“You don’t have to understand it, if it’s not something you like, then you don’t have to do it. Where is your line?”
I picked at my nails. He was right. I didn’t want to judge them for feeling some type of way about certain things. It wasn’t fair of me. “Do you want—”
“No, baby,” he interjected. “What doyouwant?”
I sucked in my lips. “Shouldn’t I be considering you too?”
“Emily, we’re talking about you right now. What doyouwant in this. What do you want from it?”
“You,” I answered, confused. “I want you. I want the chaotic shattering of exploding stars and lost souls. That’s what I want.”
He smiled. “Okay, so what do you want in the relationship?”
I was growing frustrated. “You, you dick.”
He chuckled and leaned forward, taking my hand in his. “I know you’re nervous, so take a deep breath. Inhale until you feel your lungs pressing against your ribs and then exhale slowly.”
I watched him for a second before doing what he told me, inhaling until I couldn’t anymore, and then releasing my breath, my shoulders falling with it. I opened my eyes again and found his.
He looked as patient as ever. “You relax when I tell you to do things. To take a deep breath, to drink water, to come to me when I want to touch you. So focus on that feeling, and tell me what else you want.”
I searched his eyes, finding that feeling, settling in it. Remembering how amazing it felt when his eyes changed the moment I listened. “I want,” I began, choosing my words carefully, “freedom. You have my best interests in mind, I’ve seen it. My loft and my style, the food, my coffee, but also making sure the food you bring me is real fuel, and always having water during lunch and eighth period.”
“Your health is important to me, baby.”