Page 172 of Lessons In Grey

“You told them everything. All of it. Why would you do that? I can’t even go to the bathroom alone, and I had to ask Ash to bring over a razor because three weeks ago they all mysteriously disappeared.”

My lips parted in absolute shock. “Emily, I—”

She released a struggled sob, her breathing hard, as if she couldn’t catch her breath. “They’re my friends, and you—” She inhaled breathlessly. “—you told them everything. You told Malachi. You told them—” She gasped.

“I told Jeremy out of necessity, and I told Malachi,” I tried, my eyes filling, my chest tightening. “I told Malachi.”

“You shouldn’t have told anyone,” she shouted, her voice cracking.

“I had to, baby. A month in and you stopped texting me. You texted me every day, and then you stopped, and you ignored my call. You almost died on accident before I even got the chance to know you, how was I not supposed to be afraid? I needed someone to talk to. I couldn’t just sit in that.”

“You should have trusted me!”

“You almost died onaccident,” I stressed. “What else was I supposed to do?”

“Trustme.”

“Emily, you went silent. You stopped talking. You ignored me. If Jeremy and Matthew hadn’t been there, I would have come home. I would have thought you were dead. I—I…” I released a shuddering breath, tears sliding down my own cheeks at the thought of finding her dead. At the thought of her killing herself while I was half a world away.

I inhaled sharply, trying to control myself. “Emily, I miss you so fucking much. I have no poetic words, no fancy syllables, I just have this; I love you more than life itself, and if it were up to me, I would have ended this on the night of December 21stso I never would have had to leave you. by now, we would be married.”

“Married?” she asked in disbelief. “We’ve only known each other a few months.”

“Baby, I wanted to marry you the day I met you outside of that gas station. ‘It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person,’” I quoted. “Right? Listen to me, please,” I whispered, the sunrise burning my eyes. “I know how hard this is for you, I understand that. I understand that there was a line I shouldn’t have crossed, no matter what my fears were, but we talked about this. We talked about communication. I need to be better at getting those idiots to tell you what’s going on, but you have to promise me,promise me, that you will not go silent. You can’t go silent on me. I don’t care if you send me angry emojis every hour until I come home, you cannot just go silent. Silence is a death sentence. Silence is worse than death.”

She was quiet for so long, I had to check to make sure she was still there. Finally, she said, “I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to distract you while you’re in such dangerous situations. It’s not fair. None of this is fucking fair.”

“Fighting is normal in healthy relationships, baby. It’s not meant to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, and I’ll tell you what, I would be more distracted if I knew something was wrong and you weren’t telling me, than if we were in the middle of anargument.”

“Greyson.”

I turned to the cottage, seeing Azrael standing in the doorway with a duffle bag over his shoulder, a gun in one hand, and my mask in the other.

Fuck.

I turned back to the horizon. “Listen to me. You’ve been training, correct? I’m proud of you for that, by the way. I’m so proud.”

She sniffed. “It’s helped with the anger.”

Yeah, I understood that. “I give you full permission to punch both of them for not telling you what I told them to tell you. I love you, Snowflake. I love you, and all I’ve been thinking about is coming home to you, kissing you, holding you, touching you.” I closed my eyes. “I want to touch you more than I want to breathe.”

She swallowed. “You made me vulnerable and then you left me alone and I don’t know what to do,” she whispered into the receiver, her voice so broken, it shattered something inside of me.

I didn’t know how to help her. I didn’t know how to help me.

“Greyson,” Azrael stated coldly.

“Fuck,” I muttered. “I have to go.” I looked out across the horizon, my heart thudding painfully against my ribs, my mind unfocused, my thoughts racing.

Until…

Touch. She needed touch.

“Baby, I want you to do something for me,” I began, my eyes closing. “I want you to crawl into bed after we hang up, and I want you to touch yourself. Slowly, Emily, sensually. Explore your body as if you’ve never done it before. Imagine it’s me. Imagine your hands are my hands. Hear me whispering to you. You’re such a good girl,” I mumbled, my heart thudding. “Be a good girl for me, baby. Do itfor me.”

She released an unsteady breath. “Okay.”

My heart fell, my eyes closing. “Okay.” It wasn’t a cure, but I hoped it would help. “I’ll be in touch, Snowflake. That’s a promise.”