Page 40 of Lessons In Grey

“Fuck,” I mumbled, carefully brushing my hair over the side of my face to curtain me as I found her eyes. “I’m just going to say it, and you’re going to tell me I’m an idiot, okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Just tell me.”

I had little faith in her actually going through with it. God, why did I feel like such a child? Everyone had shit like this, everyone. Not just kids. Just say it.

Say it.

Say. It.

“IthinkIhaveacrushonhim,” I vomited out under my breath.

Her eyes narrowed, trained on my lips, her mind processing my run-on sentence.

The more seconds ticked by, the more I felt like my empty stomach suddenly had too much food in it.

Shit.

Ash’s eyes widened, her lips making a perfect, matte pale red ‘O’.

I closed my eyes. “Shut up,” I muttered, the embarrassment only growing. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I had. I spoke it into the world, spoke it into existence. Anything and everything that happened after this point, I had no control over.

Fuck.

“Em,” she whispered, leaning in close.

I rubbed my hand over my face. “Okay, tell me. Right now. Tell me.”

Her long, nimble fingers slid over my chin, forcing my head up until our eyes locked, her gaze warm, gentle.

No, I didn’t need that. I needed her to laugh, to shock me out of this bullshit. He had said I wouldn’t escape him and I needed someone to prove him wrong. Anyone.

“Why is that so wrong?”

I glared at her, pulling my face from her soft touch. “Tell me I’m an idiot.”

She smiled gently. “Emily, you’re 24, he’s 31, it makes sense, why would you be an idiot? Go for it. You two would make far more sense than he and Remi.”

“No,” I stated coldly. “You need to start coming to the East Wing during lunch. I mostly sleep, but he’s there too, and I need you to play interference.”

Her eyes lit up. “Oh my God, you two sneak off to the East Wing together?”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t look into it, nothing happens. I sleep, he watches television on his shitty phone.”

Her smile was painful. “Okay. I’ll come, Can Syn come too?”

I turned back to my notebook, my insides shaking in irritation, but not at Ash, it was at myself. I shouldn’t have said anything. Faith was bullshit. “I don’t care, I sleep.”

Shit.

Ash grabbed my arm. “I just got the best idea. No hints, okay? Just trust me.”

Trust. I didn’t think I had the ability to trust anyone anymore.

I had tried to fight the universe and it laughed right in my face. Never challenge the universe, you’ll lose every time.

11

Emily