Page 62 of Lessons In Grey

I had agreed because…

I still wasn’t sure why I had agreed.

The whole of October had almost been a dream.

My arm was filled with scars now, no fresh cuts since that night.

Lunch was spent with Grey, Ash, and Syn. We had picnics in the East Wing, talking, laughing, eating. And I actually ate. It was easier to breathe during our free time now. Easier to just be.

During eighth hour, while some days had been spent napping in Grey’s arms, other days had been spent just talking. About nothing, honestly. We talked about space a lot. The universe and shit. Sometimes we talked about his progress in his current mission, sometimes we talked about my classes, other timeswe just sat in silence. He held me tightly in his arms, on his lap, and we listened to music and we just sat in our peace.

I was completely consumed by him. By his euphoria. By the way his fingers traced shapes into my skin, whether it be my exposed thighs on the days I decided to wear a skirt or dress, or the back of my hand or palm.

I wasn’t sure how fucked up it was for me to be addicted to his touch, but holy shit, it was better than drugs. As the days went on, though, I couldn’t help but wonder how addicting his kiss would be if I found his touch so intoxicating.

I’m sure there was a lot to unpack there about the meaning of addiction and the reason behind being addicted to a person, but I didn’t care to hear it.

I’ll be fucking toxic if I wanted, I had earned it, hadn’t I?

I was on my fourth cup when I finally decided to go out onto the balcony. Ash and Syn were dancing inside surrounded by others our age.

The air was cold, but nobody seemed to care in their skanky Halloween costumes. Everyone looked so good tonight.

I was kind of ready to go home, but I didn’t want to ruin their night, so here was fine.

There were only a few other people on the balcony. A couple making out in the corner and two others talking a few feet away. The whole street was filled with people and lights and music. Fake fog mixing with the smoke of whatever people were smoking tonight. The air smelled sweet and alcoholic, everyone was free.

I inhaled deeply and leaned over the railing, shivering. My mind was on one person as I took another drink, the warmth of the alcohol spreading across my bones. I should be afraid right now. It was almost midnight, and I hadn’t told dad where I’d be. I assumed he would know, but honestly, he probably didn’t care enough to wonder.

Jordan had already texted me a threat of death, but I was tooexhausted trying to deal with all of his games that I ignored it. I was getting used to this constant state of tension. I was still afraid, but just as Grey and I were inevitable, so was Jordan.

However, I had been toying around with an idea, and I wasn’t sure if it was Grey’s fault or simply because it was time. Whatever it was, it seemed inevitable too.

It was time to move out.

I had been doing some research over the last two weeks, and I had found this really beautiful place. Old and haunted, I was sure. It had once been a nunnery, and there was a loft open on the top floor. Renovated for living, just like the rest of the building.

I hadn’t told anyone about it yet, but fuck, maybe it was finally time to escape the prison.

I pulled my phone out, pulling up my conversation with Grey. He had texted me two hours ago telling me that Ash had told him that we were all going to a party tonight. He couldn’t go, but he would answer if I needed him.

I hadn’t responded to him since I left the school this afternoon. I wasn’t sure why, I was in a weird spot at the moment. My brain was floating in calm waters, but there was a storm coming in the distance and the panic was ebbing and flowing. Enough for me to taste it but not enough to feel yet. It was as if my brain was trying to prepare my body this time.

I almost hated it more than I hated feeling it all at once.

“Hey.”

I straightened, looking over to see a man from my publishing class joining me. He had kind blue eyes and unruly hair. Boyish but in a good way. “Hey, Isaac,” I greeted, locking my phone. “Enjoying the party?”

He shrugged, joining my side. “It’s alright, I’m not really a party person. Came here with some friends. You?”

I looked across the houses. “Same.” I wasn’t really in the mood to talk, but this was a party, that was the whole point of them.That and fucking.

Wasn’t in the mood to do that either. Not with anyone here, anyway.

Wrong train of thought to get on when I’m already four glasses deep. Shit.

“You’re not wearing a costume.”