Page 82 of Lessons In Grey

I was in a new place. I was out. No more psychological torture, no more being blamed for things out of my control. No more listening to my dad make backhanded comments about how I would never be like Charlie. I was out.

I stepped into the bathroom and got the water running. I connected my phone to the Bluetooth and searched the cupboard, smiling when I found everything exactly where Greyhad put it.

Bath bombs as black as night. Black and neon towels, neon bath salts. It was as if the city clubs and thrown up all over my things. Two months. Two months and he had figured out my absolutely unhinged style. A style that didn’t make sense, a style that I really didn’t even intend to have.

And in the very back of the cupboard, behind the bag of salts and soaps, there was a little paper rose just waiting to be found.

My eyes burned as I reached for a bath bomb. Fuck, he was consuming me.

I tossed some salts in, the bomb, some soap, and watched as the neon and black suds of the bomb bubbled and boiled like a witch’s brew.

Just absolutely perfect.

It took me 15 minutes to get out of my sling, my clothes, my wraps. I washed my face with the charcoal scrub, brushed my teeth thoroughly, and finally slid into the scalding water as the music drifted around me lovingly.

I closed my eyes and sank down to my chin, trying to relax my muscles, forcing the sizzling of the concoction to take away the pain, the hurt; physical and mental.

My entire home was safe now.

Halfway out of the dark.

The world turned around me as the music seeped into my soul. Tears dripped down my cheeks as the reality of everything drifted through me in the same way the air whistled through the city streets. Charlie said once that healing wasn’t all at once. It was a collaboration of events that happened over a course of years, and sometimes those events were few and far between.

It was her, not Rachel or mom or some counselor at school, but Charlie, who told me that I was never going to heal fully. Ever. I was never going to be like the normal people. I was always going to be fighting this…this…darknessin my head, this emptiness. But what could happen, what was very real and possible, was havingthe moments that made me realize that maybe I wasn’t as damaged as I had been before.

She told me that there would come a day when I was in the middle of laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my face, and I would be surrounded by good people, and I would realize, in that moment, that it had been a long time since I had cried out of pain or sadness.

Right now, I had no idea if that day would ever come. It seemed impossible, but maybe not as impossible as it used to be.

MGK’s songTwin Flamecame on and I found myself singing the lyrics as I tried to force the feelings of the new to swim over me. Grey, Ash, and Syn were in there watchingHarry Potterin my new place that overlooked a different part of the city.

I was far away from that neighborhood, from the memories of pain and joy. This was my new start. This had to be my new start.

When the water was ice cold, I finally decided to get out of the bath.

My muscles felt far better, my arm hurt far less, and my limp had eased. I was grateful that I had taken the bath. I had needed it far more than I knew.

I ran my fingers through my damp hair after pulling on my clothes, and I finally shut off the music, heading for the living room.

When I opened the door, however, I found the room dark, the television was off, and the sun had set.

I gripped my phone in my hand and padded softly towards the balcony. I must have been in there for hours. Shit. What a terrible host. They deserved a break though, they needed it.

I set my phone on the table and looked out the balcony doors, taking in the glittering city lights. It still hadn’t snowed yet, but God, I couldn’t wait until it did. From this view? It would be so beautiful.

I inhaled deeply, wrapping my arms around myself. I had to get used to this. Being physically alone now. Everything was soquiet here; I wasn’t even sure if I would be able to sleep tonight. Jordan would know by now that I had left. He would be so angry. He would find that his c4 had been removed.

God, how did he even get his hands on that shit? Who was just going around selling c4 to strangers?

With a huff, I turned around, a scream ripping from my throat almost immediately.

Grey held up his hands, a dish towel over one shoulder, worry in his eyes.

I grabbed my chest, grabbing onto the back of a chair to steady myself as I tried to catch my breath.

“Sorry, I was washing dishes, I thought you heard me.”

Jesus Christ.