Page 1 of Easton

PROLOGUE

Easton

Ten years ago

Dad’s gonna bepissed, Ella says in my thoughts.

I pace the woods behind our house. It’s one of the places I go when I want to get away.

She’s right, I know she’s right, but I’m so tired of caring. It used to matter what Dad thought, both before and after Ella died, but I’m done with that now. It doesn’t matter what I do or don’t, he’ll never be happy with me. I’ll never be the kind of son he wants.

He’ll never love me.

He never has, and he sure as shit won’t start now.

“Fuck him. I hate him,” I reply out loud.

I walk over to a log and sit down. My leg’s bouncing up and down. My heart’s slamming against my chest.

In my mind, my dead twin sits beside me. She looks how I imagine she would if she’d made it to seventeen like me—blond hair, blue eyes, just like our mother. That’s what everyone always says about us; well, about me now.

Ella looks at my hands, which are bruised from the fight I got into. I got suspended, but by this point, I should be expelled. The only reason I’m not is Dad. He intervenes on my behalf, but he doesn’t do it for me. When he gets me out of trouble, it’s for himself, because of his reputation, because he cares so much about what others think.

This time, though, it wasn’t Dad who came to the school. It was my oldest brother, Rhett. He just got home from law school—he’s following in Dad’s footsteps. I can’t help wondering when he’ll start hating me just like Dad does.

You need to stop fighting, East, Ella tells me. I’m worried about you.

“I’m fine.” But I know I’m not. I don’t know how to be fine…or if I care enough to try. I don’t sleep well. Have nightmares. I’m a mess. “I just miss you…can’t figure out how to make it stop.”

She gives me a sad smile, her eyes the same shade of blue as mine. It’s like looking in a mirror.

“East? Who are you talking to?” Rhett asks, and my pretend-Ella disappears.

The thing is, I know she wasn’t there. She hasn’t been there since we were nine years old and I killed her. Since we were playing hide-and-seek, and I gave her the idea to hide in the boat…the boat that turned over…that trapped her beneath it…where she drowned. But my head and heart are really good at making me think sheiswith me sometimes. I want it so much. I can’t let go of her, can’t live without her, so I do whatever I have to do to make sure we’ll always be together, even if that means creating her in my head.

“Go away,” I snap at Rhett, wanting him gone, needing him gone so I can talk to Ella again. If I do it in my head, I’ll just space out, and he’ll know something’s wrong.

“Easton, who were you talking to?” Rhett asks again, coming closer, looming over me and making me feel small. I’m not a little guy, but he’s broader than me, taller. He and Morgan—our middle brother—both have dark hair and look more like our dad.

“Nobody! Myself. Jesus Christ. Leave me alone.” I shove to my feet. “Did you come out here to tell me how big of a fuckup I am? Because I already know. I don’t need you to tell me. I don’t need you to be Dad’s fucking errand boy. Stop trying to fix me.”

I try to walk away, but Rhett grabs ahold of my wrist. “I’m not here for Dad. I was worried about you. In fact, I was thinkingwe don’t even have to tell Dad about this. I took care of it, so the school won’t call him.”

My heart stumbles over his words, hope trying to push its way to the surface, before I realize that Rhett isn’t doing this for me either. It’s not because he cares about me. He just doesn’t want to upset Dad. Everything is about him.

“Fuck you, Rhett.” I jerk my arm away.

“Hey. Chill out. Why are you so pissed at me? I’m trying to help you.”

I don’t answer, walk away, wishing Ella were here for me to talk to. She always loved me. She is my person. My heart.

“I’m worried about you, East. I know I’ve been gone for a while, with college and law school, but I’m back for good now. I want to fix things with us, to help you.”

My body tenses. They all think there’s something wrong with me, and there probably is. I know there is. I killed my sister, and I’ll never be able to get past that, and all I can think is if they fix me, she’ll go away. “Where’s Morgan?” I snap. If Rhett’s out here with me, Morgan must not be around.

Rhett flinches as if I’ve hurt him, but I’m not sure how I could have. The two of them have always been in some kind of Swift brothers’ club I’ve never been invited to. They’re the sons Dad cares about. And they’ve always cared more about fighting each other than about me. The only place I’ve never been an outsider was with Ella.

“I’m just trying to help,” Rhett tells me again.