Page 166 of Redeeming Heart
“She hid her suspicion from us and decided to go for a checkup where they finalized that her suspicion. As the doctor explained to my father and myself that day—is that my mother got overjoyed and the shock of her results made her body act negatively and that’s why she went down.”
“I blamed myself for years because I made her come out to my championship game,”
“My mother was her very own version and did what she wanted without having anyone tell her what to do. Nothing would have made her miss out on the important things in my life.”
“I really liked her—she reminded me so much of you. The eyes—the humor and determination.” Brandon remarked.
“Aren’t you mad?”
I shook my head. “I am grateful that mother got to meet and approve of the man who I fell in love with.”
“All this time I was unhappy that my mother never got to meet you, but she did and she asked you to be there for me because she trusted you.”
“She did warn me about how tough it was going to be,”
I smiled. “Yet, here you are,”
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,”
“I met an amazing woman and I will love her for as long as she wants me.”
“That might be forever,”
He turned his head and met my lips.
“Forever it is,”
CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR
I once had a dream where I was standing on a field alone and I was drenched from head to toe in rain, my shoes covered in my mud—my knees and elbows covered in fresh cuts as I was starring my enemy in the face.
Which only turned out to be my reflection, but instead of them being injured, drenched, or covered in mud that version of me stood confident, strong, and capable of becoming a winner.
I was and still am my biggest enemy by always putting myself down but at the same time I turned out to be my own savior as well, by picking myself up whenever it seems impossible to do so.
I kept looking for reasons and excuses to fail because I hated the feeling of having to live without my mother at my side.
I never feared pain because I can handle mountains of pain—I was in control of dealing with the pain, but loneliness. Now that’s the one fear that scares me every aching moment of my life.
I didn’t run to Brandon because of my fear.
Every day it’s still a possibility of him walking out on me or things come to an end when it just doesn’t work out anymore.
I fear losing anyone I love to death because the feeling of having to accept that you will never get to see them or hear their voice ever again sticks to your soul that it becomes a parasite of fear.
Fear of everyone leaving you.
Brandon is my new love for life. He is the craving that suppresses the feeling of fear.
He has started to show me a completely different side of love, slowly reeling me in and getting it right to convince me to crave for more.
What I once knew started to fade because of the new overwhelming feeling of desire taking over.
I stared at the golden envelope in my hands where my mother wrote my name.
It’s been a few weeks since I told Brandon about the letter, she wrote to me and wasn’t sure why this day felt like the day I am ready to open it.
Brandon sat at my side without pressing me to open it. As usual, he is calm and patient with me.