Page 52 of Crossfire
Another vehicle honked angrily nearby, reminding me what a hostile world this could be—especially for someone who was struggling, like my father.
“My dad was stressed, but…”
Still.
“You think there’s another reason that you haven’t uncovered yet?”
I shrugged. “Early on, police speculated that maybe it was for life insurance. My dad had a policy on himself that would’vebeen big enough to pay for my grandmother’s medical needs, but I told the cops that didn’t make any sense. A few years ago, my dad’s cousin committed suicide. His cousin’s mother was left with the funeral costs because his life insurance policy had a suicide provision and refused to pay out. It was a big debacle in our extended family, so my dad would’ve known that suicide wouldn’t pay out his policy.”
I looked down at my feet.
“Anyway, I’ve always had this intuition that there was something more going on, but…maybe it’s just a coping mechanism. The more I distract myself with trying to get answers, the less I’m processing that he’s really gone.”
There it was. The ugly fear that all my questions were nothing more than a distraction, postponing a chunk of my grief. When someone you love dies, you want there to be some earth-shattering reason for it. When there’s not, the hole left by their death feels even bigger and emptier.
I couldn’t believe some of my darkest fears had spilled out, but something about Grayson’s warm and nonjudgmental attitude allowed me to let down my guard.
“Pete kept telling me to move on. Maybe I should have listened to him.”
Grayson’s face hardened, and we shuffled across the intersection.
“I wouldn’t have adhered to a word your ex said either,” Grayson mused. “In fact, I probably would have done the opposite.”
I smirked.
“Is that what you do? The opposite of whatever your exes want you to do?”
“I don’t have any.”
“Any what?” I asked.
“Ex-girlfriends. I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school, and none of those were serious.”
RED. FLAG. ALERT.
Grayson looked to be about thirty years old. He should have a bunch of exes in his rearview mirror, so what wasn’t I seeing? He was charming, polite, protective, and so good-looking, he turned heads everywhere we went.
“Why?”
Grayson cleared his throat, silent for a few seconds, like he was debating answering the question. “After my dad died, I was kind of a mess for a while, and by the time I got to high school, I started getting into a lot of trouble. Fights, things like that. My mom tried to get me help, but I wasn’t really interested in improving. I found that beating the shit out of bullies in high school to be a perfectly adequate grief mechanism.”
God, at least I had my father through my adolescence. I couldn’t imagine how much it would’ve crushed me to lose Dad at such a young age.
“Then, my mom got sick,” Grayson continued. “She was in and out of treatments for a while, so the last thing I wanted to do was go out on dates. She made it a few years. After she died, I just”—Grayson shrugged—“buried myself in my career.”
Totally understandable. Tragically sad, but understandable all the same.
“Have you ever wanted to date?”
Something passed over Grayson’s face, something I couldn’t place.
“My job isn’t very conducive to relationships. It requires a lot of travel, often with very little notice. So, I’ve never really entertained the idea.”
“Until now?” Did I seriously just sayuntil nowout loud?Kill me now, please. If embarrassment had an alarm, mine would beblaring like a firetruck siren, so loud that you’d have to slap your hands over your ears.What the heck, Ivy? Get it together.
“You know you’re kind of adorable when you blush,” Grayson said.
My cheeks flamed hotter.