Page 30 of Healing Hope

“I won’t either,” Paul affirmed. “We just need to know what’s going on.”

Hope’s eyes filled with tears and began to roll down her cheeks. “Viktor told Mom she had to go get a box from the man at the airport. When we got to the car, and she opened the box, it was full of bags of pills. There were, like, a million in there. And she said we were going to run away with the box. So we did.”

Ah… Tara was supposed to pick up Viktor’s shipment for him, and return. Obviously, Tara thought she could take the pills and get away.

“Mommy said that we could make money now and be ipde…pendent women.”

“Independent women?” Jess asked.

Hope nodded, swiping a hand over her cheeks. “Yes. So we drove and drove and drove. Uncle Max kept calling us, but Mom didn’t answer. We just kept going. And she kept taking more and more pills.”

Hope looked down at her lap, and Jess could tell she was thinking about what had happened. She had a feeling they were leading up to the crash, and the reason why Hope was so closed-mouth about what had happened.

Sophie hobbled over from her bed, and stood up on her back legs to get to Hope, as if she sensed the little girl’s turmoil. Without a word, Paul lifted the dog to Hope’s lap, and they snuggled together.

“I think Sophie wants you to tell us the rest, Hope,” Jess told her softly. “If we know everything, we can keep you safe. And we can keep Sophie safe.”

Hope nodded, glancing at her father. “We met a guy named Harry. He took the box and gave Mom a bunch of money and some of the pills. And we left.”

“Do you know where you were?” Jess asked.

“My mom said Arizona, but then we drove a long time and I don’t know where we were.”

Hope played with Sophie’s fur around her ears. It was obvious she was struggling to say something. Jess ran her hand down Hope’s dark hair, tucking some behind her ears. “What is it, honey? We aren’t going to be mad, but you need to tell us whatever it is.”

Hope’s chin quivered and she glanced between them, then looked down at Sophie. “I killed my mom.”

* * *

Fury surgedthrough Paul at the desolation in his little girl’s quivering voice. Fury at Tara for the position she’d put them all in with her addiction, fury at the ineffectual system not seeing through her bullshit, and most especially fury at himself for not fighting for his daughter more. He should have been able to do something.

All the silence and worry he’d seen eating at her over the past couple of months made sense now. She had been carrying this belief around in her heart, and he hadn’t seen it.

“Hope,” he said, his voice rough. “There is no way in hell you killed your mother.”

Her eyes widened at the curse word, and she looked hopeful for a moment, then her face fell and she gave him an earnest look. “I did, Daddy.”

He shook his head, not willing to believe anything of the sort. “Tell me why you think that.”

Jess’s hand continued to stroke down her hair, giving Hope reassurance that he couldn’t at that moment. Glancing up, he caught her gaze, and she gave him a reassuring nod. She thought he was on the right path. Good.

“Hope, we’re not going to be mad at you,” Paul said, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He tried not to let desperation into his voice. “I swear. Sometimes kids see things differently than adults. Maybe I can help you see you didn’t do that.”

There was a long silence, but they waited for the child to make the decision to talk.

“Mom was almost out of pills,” Hope said softly. “When she took them she drove really fast, and she scared me. So, I hid the baggie with the pills in it. She turned around and yelled at me in the back seat, and that was when we crashed. The car rolled and rolled, and I went to sleep for a while. When I woke up, there was a man yelling outside the car. He got me out. But not Mom.”

Damn. That did sound kind of bad, and he could understand why she believed that. He needed to convince her otherwise.

“Hope, you did not kill your mother. Your mother died because she made wrong choices. It had nothing to do with you. She had an addiction and it made her make dangerous, reckless decisions, with you in the car. She shouldn’t have been driving at all. And you hiding the pills probably kept her a little clear-headed. You did what you could to keep her safe.”

Hope burst into tears and buried her face in Sophie’s fur. Jess, with tears in her own eyes, pulled them close, and Paul wrapped them all in his aching, deficient arms, and wished he could do more.

His daughter cried for several minutes, but she finally pulled back and looked up at him with a look in her eyes he hadn’t seen before. It was hopeful. She was desperate to believe that she hadn’t been the cause of her mother’s demise.

“You had nothing to do with her death, Hope,” Jess said, swiping her own tears away and tucking hair behind her ears. “I swear to you.”

Hope nodded, seeming overcome with emotion. Paul turned her chin with his bruised hand. “You’ve gone through something no four-year-old, almost five, should. This is big person, adult stuff. You should never have had to deal with it. I’m sorry, baby. I should have been there for you.”