Page 36 of Healing Hope

Her taste, her scent, was intoxicating, and he didn’t want to let her go.

Eventually, she pulled back a little. Because they were on the same level, now, the eye contact was fierce as she gave him a lopsided smile. “Your daughter is going to interrupt us any second now, and I would prefer she not see us together like this. It’s already going to be hard to leave, and I don’t want her to get her hopes up that I’m going to stay.”

That was like a splash of cold water to the balls. He drew in a breath, and hoped she didn’t see how shaky it was. Her words were a reminder to him, as well. “You’re right, of course.”

Giving her his hand, he helped her off his lap, then stood up behind her. She was watching him, her gaze weighing. “I can’t stay, Paul.”

Anger sparked in him. “I didn’t ask you to.”

* * *

Jess was feelingsalty as she walked into the house. She’d thought that by laying it out like that, there would be no confusion, but hearing herself say the words was hard. She had no problem finding men to sleep with, and mostly, she was successful at leaving. There was a desperation when she kissed Paul, though, and she wasn’t sure what was sparking it.

Had she thrown that cautionary remark out to remind herself she was leaving as well? Possibly. There was an interesting mix of emotions in her gut right now. Leg-shaking desire for him was top of the list, then anxiety at possibly being caught by Hope and trying to explain that no, she wasn’t trying to take her mother’s place. Then there was excitement at what could happen between her and Paul, and sadness, because she knew she wouldn’t stay.

It had been a crazy half-hour, but she didn’t regret it. She was already looking forward to more alone time.

They walked down the hallway together.

Hope was in her room, brushing Sophie’s hair with a baby doll brush. The dog was looking a little shaggy. They probably needed to get her into a groomer. After her leg was better.

“She loves it when you brush her hair.”

“Most girls do,” Jess told her, and Hope nodded.

“Mom used to brush my hair sometimes, when she thought about it and she wasn’t taking the pills.”

“My mom used to brush mine, too. When she remembered me over the other kids.”

“You have brothers and sisters?” Hope looked up, her eyes wide.

“I do,” Jess said softly. “Four brothers and two sisters.”

Hope’s eyes went wide, and her mouth dropped open. “All in your family?”

Grinning, Jess nodded. “And I was the oldest.”

Her mouth forming an O, Hope shook her head. “You were so lucky,” she sighed.

Yes, she supposed she was, though it hadn’t felt like it at the time. All she noticed at the time was how many diapers she’d changed that day, or how many fights she’d broken up. Yes, she loved her brothers and sisters, of course, but the responsibility of caring for them fell on her shoulders. Mom took care of whoever was the baby at the time and Jessamy would have to run herd on the rest of them. Til Kimmie, her sister, got big enough to start helping.

Hope was quiet for a minute, then she glanced up at Jess. “I know my mom was doing bad stuff, but I loved her.”

Jess went to her knees beside the little girl, then sat flat. “I know you did, honey. And there’s nothing wrong with that. When people get addicted to drugs like that, there’s nothing you can do about it. And you have to realize that underneath the drug stuff, it’s still the person you loved. Sometimes they can’t help but be addicted.”

Hope’s lips twisted. “Isn’t there medicine you can give them?”

Jess sighed. “Well, sometimes. They usually have to go to a hospital to get help. And maybe your mom worried that if she did that, she would lose you.”

That lightened Hope’s gaze for a minute, and she nodded, smiling. “Yes, that’s what I want to think.”

Jess smiled at her crookedly and tapped the end of her nose. “Let’s get Ms. Sophie looked at, m’dear.”

Hope giggled, as she’d wanted her to do, and they got up. Hope carried Sophie down the hall to Paul’s office.

“We’re going to Dr. Butcher’s. Did you want to go with us?”

Paul looked up from his computer, then looked at Jess. “Do you have room?”