Page 34 of My Alien Jewel
She stands up and before I realize what I’m doing, I’m reaching for her hand. I know I’m a despicable monster but I don’t want her to leave. She doesn’t try to leave, though, merely presses a button on the still beeping machine to silence it, then smiles at me, all the while keeping her hand in mine.
She points to the side of my bed. “May I?”
I nod, incapable of speech. She sits down, inches away from my painfully erect cock which twitches as if it is trying to detach itself from my body and crawl over to Z’Ree instead. I sympathize with the poor appendage, because I feel the same. Everything in me aches for Z’Ree. The low thrumming I felt when we kissed earlier is now drumming in my ears, compelling me to simply take her. To ravage her. Which is something I know I cannot do.
“We shouldn’t…we shouldn’t be doing this.” Whatever “this” is. “I’m…you are traumatized. Scared. You’re just doing this because you’re scared and want to…ingratiate yourself with me.”
“Am I?” She pulls her hand out of mine and crosses her arms in front of her chest. “You know…you…argh.” With a frustrated grunt, she gives up her efforts to speak and reaches for the datapad instead.
Worried, I watch her furiously tap away, a pit of dread forming in my stomach. I’ve made her angry and I can’t think of anything to say that would fix it.
When she’s done, she tosses the device at my chest and hops off the bed, moving to the other side of the room. She stands there, watching me as I read her message.
“I’m so glad to have you around to tell me what I’m thinking.”There are some alien emoticons added and I don’t need to study their expressions to know she’s being sarcastic.“So, now you’re my new master, who's going to tell me what to think? What to do? I’ve been there and I’m not going back.”
Her glare pierces me as I raise my eyes from the screen. “That’s not what I meant,” I whisper, but she just continues glaring at me. Unable to withstand another second of her anger, I look back down at the datapad and continue reading.
“I’ve been told I’m free now, so I’m making use of that freedom. I want to be with you.”My heart stutters.“Do you want me? If not, I understand. After all, I really am traumatized, like you said. I’m so far from normal I don’t even know what my normal is anymore. I understand you if you don’t want to burden yourself with me but don’t tell me what to feel and think. I might be a little damaged, but I’m not completely fucking broken.”
I blink, taken aback by her strong words. My brain, still stuck on the “I want to be with you” part, scrambles to decipher the rest of the message.
“This is not what I meant at all,” I repeat, picking my words carefully. “I just… You’ve been surrounded by terrible people. I was the first person to treat you nicely, right? So, maybe—and this is a completely natural reaction—you’re fixating on me, thinking that you need to bind yourself to me before you lose the chance and go back to being surrounded by monsters. I’mnot telling you what to think or feel. I just don’t want to take advantage of your vulnerability.”
Z’Ree contemplates my words. She’s still scowling at me, but she’s not throwing things at me or running away. I take it as a good sign. I just need to give her some space to think.
Chapter 18
Z’Ree
I think about Nikolai’swords. Really think about them.
Could he be right? Have I just latched myself onto him because he was the first person to show me a shred of kindness in years?
Maybe that was the truth in the beginning. I remember regretting he wasn’t a slaver, which is probably not a normal thought. Then everything changed. The way I see him now is different. After all, Zarkan and Astra have been incredibly nice to me too, and I don’t want to kiss them for it.
So, is Nikolai right? A little. Does it matter? Not in the slightest. However, there is one thing that matters. He doesn’tlike me the way I like him. All he sees is a desperate, crazy person he helped and who is now stalking him and demanding something he’s not willing to give.
I don’t blame him. This is all on me. Drunk on my new-found freedom, I’ve rushed in blindly and gotten burned. It hurts, but I don’t regret doing it. I’ll learn from it and be careful next time.
Next time. I scoff. As if there will ever be anyone else.
And now I truly sound like a crazy stalker. Yay me.
“I do like you,” I say, feeling the need to tell him that despite what he thinks, my feelings are real. “I, Z’Ree, like you, Nikolai.” He closes his eyes, letting out a shaky exhale as I say his name. “But I understand.” It’s getting difficult to speak again, this time because of the emotional outburst I’m trying to hold back.
I head for the door. I don’t want Nikolai to see me cry. Not because he’d think me weak, but because he’d think I’m trying to coerce him into comforting me. And wouldn’t it be ironic ifIended up being the one taking advantage ofhisvulnerability?
“Wait, Z’Ree,” he calls but I don’t turn around. Not until I hear a thud and a muttered curse. A quick glance back reveals that Nikolai has gotten up from the bed, most likely too fast, and barreled straight into the monitoring machine, nearly knocking it over.
I want to yell at him to get back in bed, that he’s only going to hurt himself, but I can’t form the words. “Rest,” is the only one I manage to utter, scowling and pointing at the bed.
“I will. I will but please, come back.” He sits on the bed and pats a spot beside him. My feet carry me over before it registers what I’m doing.
Nikolai runs his hand through his hair, wincing when he touches the bandage. “I’ve said the wrong thing again, haven’t I?” His laugh is humorless. “I tend to do that a lot. You should ignore me more but, before you run away again, I want to answer your question.”
I blink in confusion. Did I ask him something?
“You asked if I wanted you,” he says, shifting to face me. “And I gave you the answer a medical professional should always give. But I never told you how I feel. I mean, isn’t it obvious?” He points at his still erect cock.