Page 49 of Fall
Her mind was whirling again, even afterbeing eased by Hall’s touch. “I can’t,” she managed to say. “It would be…people don’t do that. They don’t go back to world like that—one that’s lesscomfortable, less safe, less…” She trailed off, realizing the safest andhappiest she’d ever been in her life was in Rone’s bed, in his arms. She took ashaky breath. “People don’t do that.”
“I was born on one of the mostsophisticated, decadent planets in Coalition space,” Kyla said softly. “I was amember of a royal family, and I’d never had to work a day in my life. But Ileft that place, came here to a rustic, undeveloped world where I have to workevery day. And it was the best decision I ever made.”
Lenna believed her. But this planet wasdifferent. It was old-fashioned and undeveloped, but the people who lived hereknew about the rest of the world and had access to technology and medicine.
And metal.
And wine.
And showers.
And a claim to real independence.
“I’d have to give everything up,” shewhispered, mostly to herself, since the others hadn’t heard her internalmusings.
“It’s not about giving up,” Hall said,almost as softly as she’d spoken. “It’s about choosing what you want. Wheneverwe make choices, it means there are other things we don’t choose. When I choselife here with Kyla, I had to give up my old life. But those things weren’tnearly as important to me as what I chose.”
Lenna swallowed hard, the words hittingher with a significance that was impossible to ignore.
Maybe it wouldn’t be about giving up.
Maybe it would be about choosing.
Maybe that was the life she wanted. MaybeRone was who she wanted.
More than anything else.
“I don’t know,” she said at last.
Hall cleared his throat and got up torefill his coffee cup, clearly breaking the intensity of the mood in thekitchen. “Well, think about it. You don’t have to decide right away. Justdecide what’s going to let you go to sleep at night in peace and wake up in themornings happy to start the new day.”
It was a relief, the knowledge that shecould think about it. That she didn’t have to make life-changing decisions lessthan an hour after waking up.
Feeling better despite her lingeringconfusion, she smiled at him. “When did you get so smart anyway?”
Hall laughed and sat down again, his eyesresting briefly on Kyla with affection so strong it was palpable. “It was along time coming. But maybe I’m getting there at last.” His expressionchanging, he added, “You must have enough savings to buy a small ship, one thatcould be hidden in those mountains, complete with extra fuel cells. If youdecide to go back and something happens to change your situation there, youcould always leave again. You wouldn’t have to be trapped forever.”
Lenna’s mouth parted. She’d never eventhought about that.
***
That night, Lenna was lying in bed, feeling strange onthe soft mattress and uncomfortable in the lightweight covers.
She needed something heavier, courser overher body. She was clean and full and rested, and she felt absolutely miserable.
Even the smell of the room botheredher—the fresh sheets, the flowers near the windows. It all felt sterile,artificial.
She missed the smell of Rone beside her.
She tried to convince herself thatsomething was wrong with her that she missed a big smelly man who was incapableof forming complete sentences—at least the kind of sentences she used to know.
But her attempt failed completely. Shejust didn’t care.
She wanted to go to sleep in peace, andshe couldn’t do it here.
She tossed and turned most of the nightuntil she finally fell asleep shortly before dawn.
She woke up after sunrise still feelingsick to her stomach, dreading getting up in this world.