Page 101 of Not Until Her

I remember it feeling like a dream that she was on the other side of my door, crying for me like I’d cried for her every single day for the last month. Who does she think she is? I was in a weakened state last night, too tired to function. My judgment was skewed. She shouldn’t be here. I should tell her to fuck off, just like she’d basically told me without words, over and over again.

I have a plan. I’m going to wash my face, brush my teeth, and have a normal little morning. Then I’m going to aggressively throw this door open, and tell her that I refuse to say a word until I have a hot cup of tea in my hands.

I’ll appear unaffected, and totally badass, and like the last thing I’m going to let her do is walk back into my life this easily. It’s not happening.

When my morning routine is complete, and my stomach growls, I take a deep breath in preparation of the act I’m about to put on. I’ve always been a good actress, and that will still be true after today. There will be no more pining, or crying, or begging on my end.

No ma'am.

She’s not in my room when I emerge from the bathroom and I pause. Did I think she would actually wait around for me? That’s not her style. I should’ve known better than that.

I can’t deny that I sure did fucking hope.

With a sigh, I trudge towards the kitchen. I’ll make myself a couple pieces of toast with some jelly, and face the day that I will not be in the right mindset for.

Only when my eyes land on the back of her head, her long red hair looking breathtakingly messy, do I notice that I hear the sizzling of something cooking. Or that my kitchen smells like bacon, and garlic, and something else that’s sweet.

I’m hallucinating. I have been since last night,thator I’m stuck in a very vivid, realistic nightmare.

She turns towards me, finally realizing I’m standing here, and a small smile sits on her lips.

This can’t be a nightmare. Not when that look on her face makes me feel like I can conquer anything. It makes me feel unstoppable. Powerful.

When in reality, I keep coming back to the conclusion that I am so fuckingweakfor this woman.

“Hi,” she says softly. “I’m making breakfast.”

“I can see that,” I reply nervously. “I didn’t have bacon.”

I move close enough to peer over her shoulder, just to confirm with one more of my senses that it’s what she’s making. I neverbuy bacon. I love eating it, but the oil splatters when it’s cooking and I can’t handle that.

I’ve tried doing it in the oven. It’s not the same.

“I ran over and got it from mine,” she explains.

I look around, taking in everything else. My oven is on, and although I can’t see what’s inside, it smells like baked goods. My other weakness.

Yeah, my original plan? The one where I pretend I’m too cool to care? Out the fucking window. I care so much that I might be about to spontaneously explode. I put a finger to the pulse point, willing it to calm down so that doesn’t happen. That would be messy.

Kara clears her throat.

“Is this… okay?”

I bite the inside of my lip to allow myself to filter my response. It’s more than okay, and I’m mad about that. I should be so mad at her, I should have my guard up, but she makes me lower it so easily.

I nod. “I suppose.”

“There are muffins in the oven. I’m frying eggs and making bacon. You didn’t have any other breakfast food.”

“I didn’t have muffins, either,” I point out. I have boxed cake mix, I think, but not muffins. Unless she somehow confused the two? Can’t say I want red velvet cake for breakfast, but I’d eat them anyway if it made her smile some more.

Her cheeks turn a deep maroon.

“I remembered you using that book when you made them for me.” She points to a baking cookbook that’s not sitting in the usual place I keep it. “I hope it’s okay I used up some of your ingredients. I can replace it all, I just didn’t know if you were going to crave something sweet or savory so I did both. I know they don’t go great together, and it’s not anything fancy. I never really make breakfast, so I had to look up how to fry an egg.”

Her face turns a deeper, darker shade and I balk.

What universe did I wake up inside of?