Page 106 of Not Until Her

A knot forms in my stomach.

“Can you tell me what he did?” I ask, scared of the answer.

She places a hand over mine, and gives me a soft smile.

“Don’t panic, I don’t have any devastating news about his character or anything.” I instantly take a relieved breath. “He just wasn’t willing to deal with me like myhusbandshould have. He tried at first, I guess. UntilIstopped trying, and he couldn’t figure it out anymore. It was hard. I was really mean in my attempt to… I don’t know what it was. I think I was testing him, proving further that I’m better off alone.” She sighs.

“I hate the way I treated him, honestly. I try to forget it, to pretend that time in my life never happened. I know it soundspretty pathetic, not wanting to face my own actions.” Her eyes glue to mine before she speaks her last sentence. “He proved me right in a way, and I didn’t want to live with that. With thinking everyone would.”

I won’t.

I grab her chin, and force her to face me. She doesn’t get to hide from what I’m about to say.

“Kara, you are a fighter. Despite all the bullshit you’ve had to put up with in your life, despite all of the shitty people you’ve come across, you fought to keep going. You did what youhadto do in order to keep going. I’m so fucking proud of you for that. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about it, or about the person you are. That just sucks for them, because they’re too lazy to look any deeper. Even I’m a little guilty. You did give me plenty of reasons to write you off, tohateyou even, at first. But thank goodness you couldn’t get enough of all of this,” I motion to my body, resulting in a laugh through her tears.

“I say all of that, while also acknowledging that Miles is one of my best friends, and—really sorry if you don’t want to hear this—he’s great for Autumn.” She narrows her eyes, but nods. “As much as I wish the memory of your marriage wasn’t this burden you carry with you, I’m glad it happened the way it did. If you had been meant for each other, we wouldn’t have ended up here,” I say.

Her head falls to my shoulder, and my head lands on hers. It’s a comfortable silence.

“It still pisses me off that he made you think you weren’t worth trying harder for. I promise I’ll keep trying, until the day you genuinely don’t want me to anymore. You just need to let me know.”

“I don’t think that day is going to come,” she whispers.

I hope she’s right.

We stay up so late, continuing to talk. I feel like I could start writing Kara’s very own encyclopedia by the time she starts to yawn between her words, and the silence between our sentences grows longer and longer. She goes from sitting up to slowly sliding down and down until she’s laying on her side. I do the same, just wanting to be on her level.

She gently kisses my cheek, and it’s the last thing she does before falling asleep right there.

31

I’m alone when I wake up in Kara’s living room. It’s disorienting at first, the smell of coffee, and the chill on my exposed arms. We didn’t even sleep with a blanket last night, and I assume it’s because there isn’t one to be found here. She might be the only person I’ve met that doesn’t have a designated couch blanket.

I sit up, and examine the mess we left. Open bags of chips and candy that are probably stale and hard now. I instinctively reach for a chip, but think better of it before I do. That’snotwhat my stomach wants first thing in the morning.

The coffee I smell does seem to be calling for me, despite my usual aversion to it. I follow it to the coffee pot sitting on her counter. There’s a purple sticky note on the machine. I smile to myself.

I know it’s not your thing, but I didn’t have anything else. Help yourself, I’ll be back soon.

Like magic, I hear her key in the door.

“Do you have any creamer?” I ask without looking her way as I pour myself a mug of the still steaming coffee.

I’d rather not tolerate the taste without some.

“In the door of the fridge,” she says in a cheery voice.

Someone woke up on the right side of the couch.

I head for it, turning to give her a quick smile when I notice a bag in her hands.

“What do you have there?” I ask. But I know what it is, I recognize the red logo and the bubbly font on the bag.

“I have reason to believe you enjoy these breakfast burritos?”

Abandoning my task, I run to her and kiss her. We both only freeze for a second when realizing what I’ve done, but it felt right in the moment. I’m not going to regret it.

“You little stalker!” I tease. “Just how often did you watch me from that window.”