Page 123 of Not Until Her
Ihug my girl tight, breathing in air that I’m going to go crazy missing. I can’t believe it’s happening right now, and for a long moment I regret giving in. I regret agreeing to this, and not holding my ground. This is insanity. Just the thought of living life like normal without her feels so wrong.
It won’t be normal, I guess. I’ll be on vacation myself, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to feel Dahlia’s absence so hard.
“We’ll call every single day,” Caleb’s quiet voice comes from somewhere in front of us. “Multiple times if that’s what you need, seriously. If you want to wake me up in the middle of the night to prove to you that she’s still alive and well, I’ll answer and show you her sleeping face.”
The words twist something in my heart, and it makes me feel… grateful. I can’t remember the last time I felt that way about my ex-husband.
“Thank you,” I whisper. I lean away to look at Dahlia’s face and give her my best smile. “You’re going to have so much fun, aren’t you?”
“Are planes fun?”
“They can be,” I say honestly. I don’t personally think so, but some people feel that way. I think. “You get to relax, and eat snacks, and watch movies.”
“And you’re not getting on the plane with us?” she asks. We’ve already explained this a few times, but I don’t blame her for needing one last confirmation.
“Not this time, but you’ll have your dad and Raquel. I think they’ll make pretty good company.”
I meet Caleb’s eyes and an appreciative smile pulls at his lips.
Dahlia suddenly jolts in my arms.
“I don’t have my gloves!”
“Oh my goodness, you better go find them!” I say as I set her on the ground. She doesn’t waste a single second running back into the house and down to her room. It’s a disaster in there after getting her packed and ready. The amount of things that I haven’t seen her wear in the last year that sheneededto find before she left was… a lot.
The gloves shouldn’t be buried too far, she wore them to school every day this last winter.
There are a few seconds of uncomfortable silence that follows her absence, but not as uncomfortable as it normally is. I like the feeling of this progress we’ve made.
“You okay?” he asks.
I blow out a quick, pained laugh.
“How can I be? I’m going to miss her so much.” I’m mortified when my voice cracks on the last word. Not enough to shut up, though. “I’m just glad I won’t be stuck here the whole time. This apartment feels really empty when she’s gone.”
“I know the feeling. It was the biggest downside of getting the house. Way too much space to have by myself.”
I’ve never thought about it that way, not for him. I thought he loved being his spoiled self, and basking in all the things his family’s money brought him. But what’s a big house without someone to share it with? Even the worst of people get lonely.
Not that I think he’s the worst. Not really.
“Is Raquel going to move in?”
“It’s something we’ve talked about, of course. I would really like that, but we wanted to handle one thing at a time. This trip became the priority.”
I nod in response, and accept the fact that my daughter practically has a step-mom now. I’m not worried about feeling replaced, it’s just different. I think things are going to move pretty fast in their lives, and it’ll be an adjustment for all of us.
Dahlia comes back out, running past me to hand her gloves to her dad.
“Can you keep these so they don’t get lost?”
“I sure can,” he says as he takes them from her and tucks them into his coat pocket. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yes, yes, yes,” she responds. She jumps up and down in between the words, and it’s so cute that I have to dab at the corner of my eyes. I want to get through this without giving her any reason to worry. I really do want her to have the best time, and it won’t happen if she knows I’m as sad as I am.
“Have a great time, princess!”
“I will,” she shouts back.