Page 138 of Not Until Her
“I don’t want anything bad to happen to you,” she says so very quietly. “I’mhurt. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. While you’ve been dwelling on this–” she motions between us– “I haven’t had a free few seconds to process anything. I have a newborn that’s cluster feeding, and keeping me up all night, every night. I know it’s been a few years, but you must remember what that’s like?” She allows no room for arguments. Her tone is sharp and to the point, andof courseshe knows I remember what that’s like.
When she pauses, I think maybe it isn’t a rhetorical question. Maybe I’m supposed to agree, tell her, but then she points at the man next to her.
“And aren’t you two supposed to be besties now,Rey? You have nothing to say to him about all this? It’s not my ex-wife you’re fucking.”
“Damn,” is Justin’s commentary to that.
I have another D word in mind whenever he opens his annoying mouth.
I level a glare at him.
Miles puts a hand on his girlfriend’s shoulder.
“You understand why my priority is the way Autumn’s feeling, right? I figured whatever there is for us to hash out can wait until after that’s sorted,” I tell him.
He looks between us, like he’s not sure what thing he might say will upset which person.
“There’s nothing to hash out. It’s… weird, but everyone’s got a person, right? If she’s yours, then I can deal with it.”
Because he found his person when everyone was telling him theywouldn’tdeal with it.
Why the hell does he have to be so likable?
“Great.” My eyes land back on Autumn. “That part is settled. Of course I remember how hard it was when I first had Dahlia. I know you’re exhausted, but I don’t–”
“I think that you have an easier time working through things in your head, Rey.” Miles gives me a tight smile. “Every word you say, every ounce of pressure you put on her to get over it is making things worse right now.”
I’m silent for the first time since I sat down. I feel everyone looking at me, but now I refuse to meet any of those stares.
“Isn’t that hypocritical?” I ask Miles. “Of all people that have pressured her to get over something, you’re probably at the top of that list.”
“Okay,” Autumn clears her throat. “You’re reaching, because this isn’t going the way you want it to. I love you, I’m always going to love you, but you have to give me space. This isn’t negotiable.”
Her eyes bore into mine, and I notice what a massively, thick wall is behind them tonight. There’s nothing I can do.
I’m sure I look like a child when I do it, but I stand abruptly and huff.
I obviously don’t like the idea of space from her, which seems ridiculous now. I should’ve realized that during all the time I was so caught up with Kara. I realize that I’ve been giving Autumn space for months, and it’s immature of me to demand her presence now that it’s a better time for me.
I never claimed to be mature. Not once in my life have I ever said those words or expected anyone to believe them.
“Fine. Have a good night,” I tell the table sharply. Then I head for the door.
I hear a chair pull out behind me, but I don’t look back to see who it is. It’s more than likely Autumn excusing herself to go cry in the bathroom, and my heart feels like it shatters a million times more at the thought.
I stomp all the way to my car, and as soon as my hand touches the handle I hear my name called behind me. It’s Miles.
“I’m sorry,” I say on a much needed exhale. I was too stressed to breathe in there. “I know you didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re not a hypocrite, and you guys don’t need this on top of being new parents.” The words rush out of me, desperation seeping through every one.
He nods, looking down at his feet that he’s scuffling on the driveway. Watching him gather his thoughts fills me with so much gratitude. He’s this worked up, he caresthismuch about her, and she deserves that.
They deserve each other.
“She’d do anything for you, Rey.”
“I know.”
“She thinks you don’t know that,” he says.