Page 140 of Not Until Her
If I could avoid my other responsibilities and pretend I didn’t have a job, I absolutely would.
Kara hangs out with us for a few hours each night. For some reason, Dahlia has decided that Kara needs to do all of the arts and crafts the world has ever heard of. They made cards for nearly everyone my daughters knows, which is alot. I think her entire school was on the list.
Friendship bracelets, finger painting, homemade play dough, you name it. And Kara hasn’t looked sick of any of it.
But she needs a daily nap just as much as the rest of us, that’s for sure. I move around my living room, picking up the paper scraps the two of them left all over the place during last night’s collage making. I can’t even be upset about the mess, they fell asleep leaning on each other, stacks of magazines still in their laps. It was precious, I totally snagged a photo. The boards of the front porch creak outside, and I wait for Kara to let herself in. She was out dropping off resumes, wanting to add a part time job to her plate after the blow up with her mom. Apparently fighting like this is their norm, but it’s never stopped her mom from helping to financially support her until now. Pierre does everything he can, but he doesn’t have the same means as Colleen, and Kara doesn’t want to stress him out.
The way she put it was very respectable. She was grateful for the time she had to focus on school without having to work, but it was about time anyway. It had been a thought in her head for a while already. When she doesn’t walk right in, I imagine she went inside her own apartment first. She does still live there, but she hardly ever spends time there when it’s just me at home. I should have figured she might need to grab something, or even have a moment of alone time. Things have changed so fast, I should check in and–
A knock sounds at my door, making me jump.
“Since when do you knock?” I call out as I bend down to pick up one final scrap. I think I’ve finally got all the pieces that my vacuum would struggle to suck up.
“Since I know you weren’t expecting me,” a voice comes from behind me.
Not Kara.
Autumn.
I drop everything I just picked up and run to hug her. I don’t even think, I don’t even worry that maybe she still wants nothing to do with me. I’ve thought about her every day since the last time we spoke, and it’s hurt more and more every time.
I’ve needed this hug for too damn long.
She returns it, and I feel her chuckle.
The relief that floods through me is enough that I’d probably collapse if she wasn’t squeezing me so tight.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Rey.”
She pulls away first, but I grab her hand in the process and pull her to the couch. I’m not going to trust my legs to do their job for this conversation, the couch is safer. Less possibility of a head injury when I’m sitting on it.
“Are we good?” I ask. I can’t ease into it, it’s all I want to know.
She laughs at me again.
“We are,” she says.
She looks at me
“I’ve never had anything close to what you and Miles have. You’re addicted to each other, you know there’s nothing he could do that would make you stop loving him, and vice versa. I thought it wasn’t possible for me to find. I thought I was destined to keep dating women that would never really understand. I’veneverfelt understood. Not until her.”
She blinks a few times, clearly processing.
“That’s really…” Autumn clears her throat. “Your relationship is really there?”
“It is. I know that’s shocking because I’ve usually told you every dirty detail by this point, but I think that helped us in a way. She’s more of a private, reserved person. Taking time to figure our relationship out with anyone knowing anything or interfering was the right step for us. I’m sorry it hurt you as much as it did.” I take a step closer, reaching for her hand. I breathe the biggest sigh of relief when she lets me. “I see why you needed some time. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready to give that to you at first. I just love you so much, babe. It was hard to know I couldn’t come knocking whenever I missed you.”
She nods, clearly having made some peace with all of it.
“Obviously I’ve been a little extra emotional lately,” she starts with a sniffle. “I’m surprised by how all of this hormonal turmoil has made me angry more than sad. And Iwasangry that you didn’t come knocking any sooner. It made me feel like with everything changing for all of us, that maybe you couldn’t be bothered to stick around for this chapter of my life as a new mom. It was lonely.”
I shake my head, only in disappointment for myself.
“I know that feeling, and I shouldn’t have been so distracted that I forgot about it and let you deal alone. I completely regret that part.”
“I know you do. I’m not angry anymore.” She gives me a tight lipped smile, but for the first time in months I know it’s not my fault she’s holding back. There is a dam inside her, ready to pour out of her eyes at one wrong move, and she’s desperately trying to keep it back. “It’s so weird that you’re married to Kara.”