Page 32 of Not Until Her

Are you joking?

I place that simple note on her door before I run to the grocery store. I’m not thrilled about it, but I know I need to take advantage of the free time I have.

Another sticky note is waiting on my door when I return with my arms weighed down by bags full of food. I didn’t need to struggle as much as I did, but I feel like I’m winning something when it only takes me one trip.

Nope.

What does it say about her that she’s been home all day and still saw my note. Is she checking? Or did I make that much noise when I left earlier?

I want someone to vent to about this whole situation. I may have talked my parent’s ears off when I was staying over there, but they’reparents. They want to offer solutions, and insight, and I don’t really want to go as far as to tell them that I think she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever seen and that her stupid little note gave me butterflies.

Butterflies. At my big age. I didn’t know that could happen anymore, it’s been so long.

She is infuriating. Clearly incapable of empathy. Someone I could never see myself being around without wanting to strangle them.

So why the hell did those four little written words elicit this kind of reaction from me? It makes no sense.

11

I’m sitting on my couch, listening to a podcast Autumn was excited about the other day. These two girls chat about books they love, and this particular episode was all about her most recent novel. They seriously gush about it for an entire hour, and I’m loving every second. It’s so cool to have watched her go through the process of writing, and stressing, and doubting, and now there’s no lack of proof out there that she’s good at what she does.

I love it for her so much, and I can’t wait to text her when I’ve finished listening to this.

I play some random puzzle game on my phone while the episode plays. I’ve never found it easy to get into podcasts or audiobooks, because I get distracted. I feel as though I need to be watching what’s going on, or it can’t hold my attention.

This little system has been working pretty well for me, though. I don’t get the science behind it, but mindlessly moving these blocks has really helped me focus.

I line up yellow with yellow, blue with blue; I get jumpscared by one of the girls shrieking when they bring up a spicy bathtub scene and laugh to myself. That scene was hot as hell, and I can’t help but wonder how much of it was inspired by true events.

There are alotof details.

Somewhere outside, I hear a noise and instinctively pause the episode. Of course I’m curious, especially when the closeness of the sound can only be explained by one person. The only person in the vicinity who would be out on the front porch area, because it’s alsotheirfront porch area.

Keys jingle, and a door closes. I’m almost tempted to look through the window, but I’d die of embarrassment if she saw me snooping now.

I glance over to my kitchen counter where I know her note is still sitting.

“No, I’m not.”I’m guessing she’s on the phone. “I have school that day.”

Her footsteps sound loudly across the wooden boards.

“Yeah, yeah. I think ninety-nine percent of your daily activities are a waste of time, but I’m kind enough to keep it to myself.”

Kind, yeah right. It is nice to know that her bad attitude appears to be the standard.

Her voice gets quieter as she walks down the stairs and it irritates me. I want to keep eavesdropping.

“Honestly Colleen, fuck off.”

With that tone, I amsoglad I’m not Colleen.

She must make it down to the parking lot, because along with her voice, the sound of her footsteps also disappears.

Now that she’s gone, and my chances of having another awkward interaction are also gone, I move my activity to my favorite seat outside. This little set cost more money than I’m willing to admit, not even including the cushions.

Outdoor seat cushions are made from pure gold, apparently.

They’re comfortable. They look nice. I’m glad I have them, but I’d be even happier if I wasn’t still paying off the credit card I put it all on.