Page 45 of Bring me Back
She winced. Clearly the wrong thing to say.
“Unfortunate choice of words. I will take some of your firsts. How about that?”
She said nothing, and I sighed, deciding to give her space. We watched a full act in silence. Not a companionship kind of silence, a damn uncomfortable one like there were spikes between our chairs.
“Can people tell?” Cricket finally whispered so low I missed for a second. Her eyes were glued on stage, and it took me a minute to understand what she was asking.
“No!”
It wasn’t like she had a huge virgin sign over her head. It never crossed my mind, actually, but now that I knew it made sense. Hallie was reserved. She let no one in. Why would she open herself up enough for a boyfriend? No. I couldn’t imagine even being high on her priorities.
“It’s no one’s business,” I said again because I didn’t want her to feel weird about stuff like that.
“The girls walk so confidently,” she talked again. “Even when they are young.”
I followed her eyeline to see she was watching Delilah and the girl Carmen who played Titania.
I wasn’t equipped to have that conversation. I cleared my throat and shifted on the seat. “One thing has nothing to do with the other.”
“But people build confidence from interacting with other people. And I never cared to do much of that…”
I waited in silence. I could tell her mind was working fast, and I didn’t dare to interrupt.
“You know the costumes I’m too chicken to wear?”
I barely nodded.
“I have one of Mystic fromX-Men. I know they do it with body paint, but I found this amazing stretchy blue latex and those little green beads and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So, I made it and it fit me like a second skin. You can trace my body through it…”
Christ.I closed my eyes and begged not to imagine anything, and I nodded quickly to see if she kept going. She did.
“I never had the courage to wear it. Even when I’m alone, it’s too much. And I have Princess Leia’s golden bikini, of course…”
Kill me now.
“Monica Bellucci’s Matrix get up too…”
At that time, I groaned out loud. She turned to me quickly with a frown.
I cleared my throat. “So, you have a lot of costumes.”
“I feel my mind is freer than my body. When I see a fabric, a pattern, a texture, my mind starts working and I create these things that my body can’t carry.”
“I’m sure your body can.”
I knew she could because my imagination was already showing me all the ways she would look unbelievable in the costumes she mentioned. And many, many more that kept popping into my dirty mind. But besides that, it was wrong that she couldn’t see herself wearing whatever she wanted. I wasn’t sure what she was scared of, but I made a vow to find out.
“Some things grow from the inside out,” I told her.
“You think?” She glanced at me.
I nodded. “You’re already thinking about it. Give it time. One day, you’ll show everyone what’s inside.”
“It’s not bad,” the voice behind me announced.
It was the morning of the carnival, and the last person I wanted to see was right behind me, ready to criticize my work. I turned around from the booth to find Sharon with her arms crossed over her chest and a fake smile on her lips.
“I’m sure Hallie and Helen will do a nicer job when they arrive.”