Page 26 of Saving Grace
“My gut feel is you didn’t.”
“Didn’t what?”
“Sleep with Troy,” Matt clarified. “You and I, Grace, have history. You and Troy do not. We’ve had this sexual tension brewing between us since day one and it only intensified when we went on that mission.”
“Mission?”
“Operation Blood Bull whose prime objective was to take down Hector Vargas. The planning and execution took over a year. I had considered pursuing you after the op but got fucked up.”
By now, he had led me back to the kitchen and sat me down in front of my waffles. Our food had gone cold.
“What happened?” I was almost afraid to ask as all joviality from earlier disappeared from his face to be replaced by a haunted, grim façade.
“I got captured and held for a while by the cartel.” At my startled reaction, he quickly added. “It was only for a few days. Troy and Roger got me out. You were my handler and I blamed you for a long time. I refused your calls and turned you away when you tried to see me. I had no choice this last time when the DEA assigned you to work with me for intel on Troy. But there was nothing in our agreement that said I had to be nice to you.”
“And you continued to be a jerk to me.”
“Pretty much. How else should I deal with the fact that the woman I’ve been so damned attracted to may have betrayed me and left me to rot in Mexico.”
“What changed?”
“Two weeks ago, when I ran into you at Mike’s Roadhouse and made some offhand remark about your tits…” Matt said, actually looking apologetic. “You’d really had enough of my insults and wouldn’t let me get away with it. You dragged me to the parking lot and told me the truth—that it was Holden who’d called off the SEALs and left me at the mercy of the cartel.”
I stared at him doubtfully. “You didn’t believe me.”
“There’d already been rumors that it was your boss who gave the order,” Matt admitted. “The CIA and DEA had a falling out soon after that op because of what happened to me so details were never confirmed.” He looked at me levelly. “You were risking your job trying to contact me to tell me the truth.”
“You continued to hate me to protect my job?” I asked incredulously.
Matt clenched his jaw then looked away.
“Those are complicated feelings,” I said slowly.
He snorted, returning his gaze to me. “I don’t do feelings.”
“What I meant …” Suddenly I didn’t know what I meant. “Never mind,” I said as I drove my fork into the waffle. I didn’t know how to talk to this man. He was full of mixed messages. I was only trying to show empathy for his situation and for my efforts he shoved it back into my face. That nagging feeling of inadequacy from that night crept back around my heart. I forced myself to eat, telling myself I needed to get stronger and maybe find myself someplace else to stay. I needed to get back on my feet without the added pressure of my past with Matt.
As for the man in question, he was suddenly finding his pancakes very interesting.
“I want a meeting with Mr. Holden,” I spoke up, breaking our uncomfortable silence.
“Grace—”
“I don’t want to impose on you any longer. I really appreciate you coming to find me.”
“Stop,” Matt growled. “Just stop. Didn’t you hear a thing I said about Holden? I don’t trust him.” He glared at me. “I don’t know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours. If I said something that may have offended you, I’m sorry. Again. I don’t have a filter on my mouth. I’m really trying here, Grace, but you have to cut me some slack.”
“I don’t expect you to take care of me.”
His eyes softened. “No expectations here. I want to take care of you. We might get on each other’s nerves along the way, but that’s how we roll.”
“Did we always fight?”
“We argued a lot, yes, but it mostly started with me to instigate a reaction from you.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Good question, but fuck if I know.” He avoided my eyes then and continued to eat. I wanted to make a remark about the Mr. Asshole bit again, but I decided to let it go. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. After all, he came to Atlanta to find me when he heard about the bombing. That should account for something, right?