Page 70 of Speechless
“Wow. Just wow, Jenna. Whatmoreare you asking for?”
She shrugged uncomfortably. The snapshot from the porn film etched in her mind, the man’s hand pushing between the woman’s legs. “Maybe…maybe touching?”
“Like heavy petting?” Sarah frowned.
“I-I guess? Cain told me…he suggested I ask you if I…because you’d know if I…” Jenna dropped her head back onto her knees.
“Cain’s a smart man. You want to know if you had sex before you were taken?”
Suddenly afraid of the answer, Jenna swallowed hard. It didn’t make a difference, did it, if she had or hadn’t. She nodded quickly before she backed out of the conversation.
Sarah eased onto the floor beside her, side by side. She took Jenna’s hand, linked fingers with her, squeezed gently. “The night Connor brought you home, you were in a bad state. We sedated you so we could perform an examination without stressing you further. While you were under, I checked for signs of sexual assault, rape, sodomy. There were none. There were indications, however, that there’d never been any sexual contact, ever. In my experienced opinion, sweetheart, you’re a virgin.”
Jenna’s breath shuddered free. “So Connor will be…”
“He’ll be your first lover,” Sarah told her gently. “If you want that.”
Yes, she wanted that. She exhaled slowly. “Is it stupid to be scared?”
“Absolutely not. We all feel differently about our first sexual encounters, Jenna. There’s no trend as to how you should feel. Connor won’t push you into anything. He’ll slam the brakes on if he thinks you’re not ready. If you want to try something, talk it through with him. Ten minutes conversation and he’ll put your mind at rest or keep talking until you’re not scared anymore.”
The front door banged open, something heavy dropped in the hallway, causing both women to jump. Luna shot to her feet, hackles rising, and darted to the doorway, growling in warning.
“Shut up, mutt,” Mackintyre called out easily.
Luna didn’t back down.
“Luna, here. Come here, pretty girl.”
“You named her already?”
“Blue moon. She’s a once in a blue moon dog,” Jenna told Sarah as the dog in question slunk back to her, warily watching the doorway. She plunked down beside Jenna, sitting stiff and straight, ears pricked. “So she’s Luna.”
“You’re learning quickly.” Pride radiated in Sarah’s tone. “Everything deserves a name, sweetheart. She’s a very lucky dog.”
They sat together in relative quiet, three females thrown into one unit through fate and circumstance. Linked by touch, woman to woman to bitch, there was a solidarity Jenna had never realized before. In that moment, it was blindingly clear she was no longer alone.
She had Connor, the best thing in her life, past or present. She couldn’t believe there was anything from her past before Sire capable of topping the privilege of having Connor in love with her and being able to love him back.
She had friends in Sarah and Cain. A safety net of friendship and fondness she was happy to reciprocate. Maybe she didn’t know how to do a lot of things, and it felt as though she leaned on them both too much, but Jenna wouldn’t deny them anything they needed if she could give it.
Now there was Luna. Already she loved the young dog, trusted her to keep her safe. The animal had come to her defense without hesitation, used her own body to protect Jenna against the threat—okay, faux threat—but she’d done it willingly.
Jenna turned her head and looked at Sarah. Her friend was a pretty woman, in nature as well as looks. Jenna knew she didn’t look the same; their appearances were completely different, but she’d seen herself in the mirror, lamented over the frail, hollow-eyed ghost reflected back at her.
“Would you help me?” she asked meekly.
Dark eyes roamed over her face, narrowed slightly. “If I can.”
“I want to look pretty for Connor. Like you.”
Sympathy, then indignation, flashed over Sarah’s face. Followed swiftly by anger bright enough to shake the foundation of Jenna’s courage. “I’m aware that’s a compliment, Jenna, but don’t ever imply you’re not attractive. I don’t like it, and Connor sure as hell won’t.”
“I-I didn’t mean…”
“I get it. I do. It’s been a rough recovery, still ongoing. Makes a woman feel less than pleasing to the eye. Doesn’t help when your self-confidence and self-worth has fallen through the floor.” Sarah squeezed her hand tight enough to make Jenna wince. “But you are fucking beautiful, Jenna. The physical aspects will come—your hair will grow, you’ll add a few more pounds, the spark will come back into your eyes. You’ve already lost that sickly pallor, most of the time. Connor loves what he sees,” she added, inadvertently hitting the nail square on the head. “And what he sees is who you are. Who youare, Jenna. I saw him when he brought you in here that night, and he saw through the grime and the fear, and he sawyou.”
Jenna’s free hand moved to her mouth, her thumb aiming for her mouth as the child pushed to take over. Sarah’s other hand gripped it, tugged it away.