Page 94 of Speechless
It wasn’t until Connor disengaged that they realized there was a problem.
Chapter Nineteen
His quest for title of supreme idiot wasn’t over, Connor thought as he braced his elbows on his knees and resisted banging his head into the wall. The fucking wall. Wall sex apparently possessed powers of moronic proportions, wiping a man’s mind of the essentials—for starters, a motherfucking condom.
They didn’t need this complication on top of everything else happening around them, and the infuriating thing about it was, it was all his fault. More than that, it was a mistake he didn’t know if he should rectify.
Under different circumstances, it would have been a clear and definiteno. But Jenna’s life and his own were close to spinning out of control, specifically now when the petition hung over their heads like a boulder balanced on a pinhead atop a cliff.
He stared at the glass of juice on the coffee table, watched cool tears slide down the side to pool on the coaster. The little white tablet beside it mocked him, serenading him with promises of what could be if he just popped it back in the bottle and forgot all about it.
Pregnancy. A baby. A child. A family.
Everything he wanted with Jenna.
Across from him, sitting on the floor, Jenna said not a word. Her calmness surprised him—after all, he might just have fucked up the life she’d only gotten back a couple months ago—and she showed no signs of reverting back to her little mode.
“Am I taking the pill, Connor?” she asked, finally breaking the silence.
“That’s not my decision, baby.”
She hummed thoughtfully. “Part of it is. Half of it. I’d like…I’d like to know what you think.”
His shoulders slumped. He was proud of her for asking, for considering his opinion, and took it as a solid step toward becoming a functioning adult again. Instead of panicking, she wasthinking. “A year from now, two, I wouldn’t be worried. You’d be healthy, your body recovered enough to take the strain of carrying a baby to term and delivering.”
Her brow wrinkled. “You don’t think I would now?”
“I think you’ve been through too much to pile on more stress. It’s not impossible you could carry to term, but I think you’d struggle.” His heart broke, but Jenna’s face remained almost serene. “That’s without the addition of your family, the investigation, the goddamn court case that’s going to follow an arrest if—when—they catch the fucker. It’s a lot to ask of you, Jenna, and I’m not comfortable putting you in that position.”
“That position was quite good,” she muttered.
Jesus, she made him want to laugh at the most inopportune times. “Focus, Jenna, you know that’s not what I meant.”
“It’s what I meant. It was an honest mistake, Connor.” Serious green eyes roamed over his face, studied his body language.
Knowing her ability to essentially read his freaking mind through his body alone, Connor attempted to adopt a relaxed pose to throw her off her game.
“This hurts you,” she murmured, her lips turning down. She fell quiet again, the silence heavy and thoughtful. While his mind whirled a thousand times a minute, bouncing between potentially being a father and how badly he could mess her life up in a second of passion-fueled lust, Jenna’s mind wandered away to her special place.
Her eyes cleared and, bright as glass, they were peaceful with the choice she’d made. Her hand shot out, faster than he anticipated, and she snatched the pill, tossed it back, then grabbed the juice and gulped. Her little juice moustache was adorable, but Connor could only think,What the fuck just happened?
“Jenna, I…”
“It’s done.” It was a simple statement of fact. “You made valid points I agree with. I just found you, Connor. When this is over, I…I want time to be normal again. Human again. I want to spend time with you, build a life and a home with you, before we think about bringing another being into existence, and I’m not…I’m not functioning normally yet, am I?”
It struck too close to the accusations of her parents for Connor to keep his temper fully under control. “Don’t ever say that, Jenna. There is nonormalabout any of this. You’re recovering better than I could’ve hoped. That’s all that matters.”
“You’d still love me even if I don’t…”
Connor reeled his emotions back in. His snappish reply had knocked her confidence, and that was just unacceptable. “Baby, I’ll love you no matter what.” He reached over to take her hand. “Don’t ever underestimate what you’ve achieved, Jenna. You’ve amazed me from that first night and haven’t stopped showing me what you’re capable of. Stop worrying about being normal and be who you want to be.”
She squeezed his hand. “One day, we’ll have another moment like this, Connor. You won’t be so sad and I…I’ll be who I want to be,” she said carefully. “We’ll have another moment like this, and we’ll be happy about having a baby instead of grieving a possibility.”
He blinked.Grieving a possibility. Possibly the most mature thing he’d heard her say to date, but scarily accurate. His heart ached because she’d hit the source of his sadness on the damn head.
She offered him a sweet smile. “Don’t grieve for what you don’t know for sure existed, Connor. I learned a long time ago there’s enough to mourn without finding more.” Giving his hand a little squeeze, she got to her feet. Immediately, Luna—silent watchdog at the end of the coffee table—was by her side. “Would you like some juice?”
“No. No, thanks, baby. You help yourself.”