Page 108 of Worth the Fall
“I’m sure.” I nodded.
“All right. You’d better get back there. I know a certain O’Grady who has been going crazy, waiting for you to get here.” She pulled me in for a quick hug. “Love you, Brooky.”
“Love you too,” I said.
Matthew grabbed my arm and led me toward the nurse at the check-in station.
He told her who I was, introducing me as Thomas’s fiancée, even though that wasn’t true, and made sure that I was allowed beyond the locked doors. The woman handed me a visitor sticker that I placed on my chest before heading down the well-lit hallway in search of room234.
When I reached it, my steps slowed. I peeked inside before I even thought about stepping in. The television was playing a show, but the volume was pretty low.
“Baby,” Thomas said, his voice filled with relief as Clara’s eyes shot open.
“Mama Waffles,” she whispered, and I couldn’t stop the little laugh that escaped.
When I made my way fully inside the room, Thomas shot up from his chair and pulled me into his arms, holding me tight.
“I love you. Are you okay?” He leaned back to look me in my eyes.
“I love you too,” I said, but it was weak. How could I love him when I currently hated myself?
Clara’s hands were balled up and covered in something I couldn’t quite make out. They might have been gloves or colored gauze. And she was bundled in so many blankets, one of them plugged into the wall.
“Is she okay? Are you okay?” I looked between them.
“They’re worried about her fingers, but I think we found her in time,” Thomas breathed out. “Or Jasper did.”
“He’s my hero,” Clara said, but her voice was still barely a whisper. “I’m sorry, Mama. I didn’t mean to get lost.”
“I know you didn’t. But I was really scared.” I made my way to the side of her bed and leaned down to attempt to hug her, but it was awkward, and she couldn’t really move.
“Are you mad at me?” It was her go-to question whenever she thought that she might be in trouble.
“Of course I’m not mad at you. But you can’t do that again, okay? You can’t wander off without asking or letting us know where you’re going,” I said before wondering if it was my place to dole out demands to her or not.
“I know. Daddy said the same thing.”
“But I should have been watching you. I wandered off too,” I said, shouldering the blame because I was the adult in this situation and she was just a kid.
“I thought I remembered where Uncle Patrick and Jasper were, but I got lost. And when I tried to come back, I think I went the wrong way. I couldn’t see where I was going, and it was really cold,” she explained, and my heart ached inside my chest as I imagined how scared she must have been.
“We’ll talk about it later. Once you’re better. Get some rest.” I leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.
Thomas stepped up and pulled my body against his. His strong arms wrapped around me, and as much as I wanted to melt into him, I felt myself stiffen instead.
He spun me around to face him, his fingers reaching for my chin. He tipped it up and pressed a kiss against my lips. “Baby, I see the war in your eyes. Feel it in your body. This wasn’t your fault. You know that, right?”
How can he be so forgiving?
He pulled me away from Clara’s bed and toward the other end of the room.
“I wasn’t watching her,” I said simply.
“She knew running off was wrong, but she did it anyway.”
Logically, my brain knew that Clara wandering away wasn’treallyall my fault, but the emotional parts of me refused to accept it. What kind of mom lost their kid? I’d bet anything that areal momwould never lose her own child.
How could Thomas ever trust me again when I couldn’t trust myself?