Page 54 of Worth the Fall
“I’m going to get your Diner Double with fries,” he said before folding the menu closed with a snap.
“Medium rare?” she asked, and he gave her a curt nod. “I’ll go get this to the mister. Let me know if you decide on other drinks.”
“I’m good with water,” I said, and Thomas agreed before ordering a glass of milk for Clara.
“Waffle Princess,” Clara said once Mrs. Baker walked away.
“Yes?”
“Are you okay?”
“Do I not seem okay?” I was a little confused.
“I just meant because that man you used to love was mean to you earlier. Did it hurt your feelings?” She pouted a little as her brown eyes stared up at me, and to be honest, Eli’s outburst was the last thing on my mind.
“He didn’t hurt my feelings actually. The things he said weren’t true, so they didn’t hurt me. But I still didn’t like that he said them.”
“So, he lied? Daddy says we don’t tell lies. But that’s why I got in trouble at school. Because Mrs. Shooster wanted me to tell Scott I was sorry, but I wasn’t sorry. Do you think I should say sorry if I’m not?” She looked so invested in my answer, and when I glanced at Thomas, he was leaning in, elbows on the table, like he couldn’t wait to hear my response as well.
“I don’t think you should say things you don’t mean. And if you tell someone you’re sorry when you’re really not, then what’s the point?”
“That’s why I didn’t want to do it. ’Cause then I’d be lying. And we don’t lie, right, Daddy?”
“Mrs. Shooster wanted her to apologize to Scott so thathe’dfeel better,” Thomas explained a little more.
“But that would make Clara feel worse.”
I felt defensive over the little girl I’d only just met and barely even knew. How was that even possible? I felt like I’d known her forever.
“That’s what I said.” He pointed a finger at me. “Exactly what I said.”
I remembered the day he had come back to the resort after meeting with Clara’s teacher. He’d been pissed off and grouchy, said the teacher was a nightmare, if I recalled correctly. I understood now. I would have been angry too.
“I think you did the right thing.” I threw my arm around Clara’s shoulders and gave her a little squeeze.
“Thanks.” She looked appeased and went back to her crayons. “Miss Brooklyn, do you have kids?”
The question caught me off guard even though it was simple enough.
“Not yet.”
“Do you want them?”
“Only if they’re just like you,” I said with a pat on her head, and she giggled.
“Well, they probably won’t be,” she said matter-of-factly, and Thomas let out a gruff laugh.
“You’re right. Probably not. But maybe they will. You never know.” I sounded more than a little hopeful, which was something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I’d been so unhappy for so long that there hadn’t been room for anything else. Resentment had stolen my joy. It took the very thought of it and lit it on fire until there was nothing left. I’d become a shell of myself, settling for crumbs and finding comfort in the familiar. It was in simple moments like this that I was reminded of who I used to be. Who I still was.
And who I was absolutely wanted kids in the future. But somewhere deep in my guts, I thought I’d always known that I didn’t want them with Eli, which was why I never stopped taking birth control while we were together. It wasn’t worth the risk. I remembered thinking that if I got pregnant, I’d be filled with worry and anxiety instead of elation and happiness. There were so many thingswrongwhen I looked back at my marriage that I felt like an even bigger fool for staying as long as I had.
“I think you’ll be a great mom someday.” Thomas tossed the compliment at me like it didn’t hit me right in the ovaries.
“Thanks. You’re already a really great dad.”
I didn’t have a lot of interaction with single dads or dads in general, aside from my own, but Thomas set the bar without even trying. And that sucker was high. If my future husband wasn’t like this man, I didn’t want him.