Page 39 of Wild Heart

I hadn’t expected it would take me this long to find a way to settle down somewhere and forget about what was weighing on my heart and mind.

Although it hadn’t been pleasant, it wasn’t anywhere near this difficult to do when my parents had done what they did and left me with no choice other than to cut them out of my life.

But the more I thought on it, the clearer it became.

When I had to heal from how my parents had treated me, I had the Westwoods there for me. Now, I had nobody. And with each day that passed on my own, I found myself thinking more and more about what the rest of my life would look like.

I wasn’t prepared to be or even interested in touring all over the world ten years from now, but maybe that was my path. It wasn’t as though I didn’t enjoy the dancing. And it wasn’t really a bad life.

But more than I’d wanted the career I fought so hard to have, I wanted a family. A real one that was all mine. I wanted to fall in love and create the family I never had. I wanted to get married and make babies with my husband. I wanted to give my children all the love that I never got.

And now, everything just felt hopeless.

Worst of all, I was so caught up in all that I was feeling over Tate and my decision not to return to Landing that I couldn’t seem to figure out where to go. I’d already made my second move. After spending two weeks in Florida, I decided I needed something a bit quieter than Miami. So, I made my way to a coastal town in South Carolina. I’d spent time in the city not far from here while on the tour, and I thought it would be a good place to try to put down some roots.

But everything felt terrible. Just getting out of bed was difficult. My limbs felt like dead weight, and there was a heaviness in my chest that made taking a deep breath feel like an impossible task.

I scrolled through Tate’s texts again, the ache in my chest growing with each day that passed.

I had to stop this. I had to force myself to get out and start building a life. I had to move on. Because the longer I did this, the worse things were going to get.

I tossed the blanket back from my body, got myself out of bed, and moved to the bathroom. A cool, refreshing shower was the first step. After I woke myself up, I’d get out of this hotel and find something to do today. Even if I didn’t do anything as it pertained to work just yet, I promised myself I was going to do something—I’d go to a diner, make a friend.

Something.

Anything.

Because if I didn’t start finding some connection here, I was going to spiral further and further into a dark place. And then I’d never be able to keep the promise I made to my best friend. I’d never return to Landing.

Tate

A gentle knock came at my office door before it popped open and I heard, “Can I come in?”

The sound of that voice could bring comfort on even the darkest of days. “Sure, Mom.”

She pushed the door open fully, walked inside, and pointed a proud smile my way. There wasn’t anything for her to be proud of me for. As someone who had been undeniably productive fornearly a year and a half, I’d been pretty useless over the past eight weeks.

All that had gotten accomplished was the bare minimum each day. And maybe that was enough for everyone else at Westwood’s, but I didn’t like it for me. I didn’t like what it said about who I was becoming.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t seem to do anything to change it. I had been so distracted by my thoughts and worries about Ava for the first couple of weeks after I learned that she wasn’t coming back. Over time, the worry changed to something else.

And now, I was feeling nothing but a mix of bitterness and inadequacy. With any luck, my mom was here to discuss a project for the two of us to work on together, as we often did. It was probably one of the only things that would help in this situation. My mom and I were both skilled at working directly with people. Generally, my mom focused most of her efforts on the employees at Westwood’s, whereas I focused on our relationship with the public.

She crossed the room, sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the desk from where I was seated, and studied me briefly. “How are you doing?”

I wasn’t going to lie to her. If there was one thing I’d learned in my life, it was that Evelyn Westwood seemed to have superpowers, and she’d cut me off before I even had the chance to finish the lie. “The same as I’ve been for weeks now.”

“I can only assume you haven’t heard anything.”

“Not a word,” I confirmed.

Disappointment washed over her expression, her eyes leaving mine and drifting toward her hands that were resting in her lap. “I think it’s been a few days since Ivy’s talked to her.”

Nobody in my family had been thrilled to learn Ava wasn’t coming back home, but it seemed to be hitting Ivy, Jules, and my mom the hardest. They’d been devastated, just as much as I hadbeen during the first two or three weeks. But where I’d shifted away from the sadness and despair to something else, they were still stuck there.

I hated what this had done to my family, and I felt so conflicted. I couldn’t work out whether I’d caused this because I finally took Ava up on her offer or if she’d always planned to leave. Either way, it sucked, but it killed me to think that my decision had led to them losing someone who meant so much to them.

As for my feelings about Ava having not returned, I was plain miserable. Everyone in my family knew it, too.