Page 46 of Wild Heart
Despite knowing what she wanted to discuss, I played up the part of being so tired and unaware. “Is something going on?”
She smiled at me, shaking her head. “Nothing major. I just… I’ve missed you. And I know we talked over the phone every week, but it’s not the same.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
“I realize you just got back to Landing and probably haven’t taken much time to figure anything out, but I was curious what plans you might have made now that you’re here in town again.”
I huffed. “I’ll probably start by trying to get myself onto a normal schedule. Waking up at eleven in the morning only because my best friend knocked on the door to my suite probably isn’t going to make me very productive in the coming weeks.”
She let out a little laugh. “Yeah, that’s probably true. So, anything else you’re looking to do?”
I had a piece of toast halfway to my mouth when I stopped moving, tilted my head to the side, and assessed her. It took me longer than it probably should have, but my mind was still foggy.
A few seconds of observation told me what was happening. Ivy was sitting in the chair opposite of where I was on the couch. But she wasn’t relaxed. Her posture was stiff, her hands placed perfectly still on the tops of her thighs. She was just barely biting her lip, an air of anticipation in her expression.
She was trying to hold on to hope, to any shred of optimism she could find. But since she hadn’t gotten what she needed to feel reassured yet, she couldn’t relax.
Do you know what you’ve done to this family?
If I didn’t fully grasp the impact my choice to take so much time away from Landing had on the people who were closest tome, what I was witnessing now would have done the trick. My best friend was terrified I wasn’t here to stay; she thought I was going to leave again.
“Well, I was thinking about taking the day to just relish being back, but I think by no later than tomorrow, I’m going to start looking for an apartment again,” I shared.
Ivy’s shoulders relaxed slightly. “Oh? You know there’s no time limit on you staying here at the hotel, right?”
After taking a bite of the light and fluffy scrambled eggs, I nodded. “I know that. It’s just that I don’t think, despite Liam’s ability to do it, that I can really make a life living out of a hotel room, even as luxurious as this one is. I’m ready to get back to some semblance of a normal life. I haven’t had that in a year and a half.”
Her body sagged with relief. “So, you really are here to stay?”
I knew I hadn’t been reading too much into what I was seeing with her this morning. “I’m here to stay, Ivy. I thought I’d be able to find a way to make a life for myself away from Landing, but I just couldn’t do it. Finding work was an impossible task. I couldn’t even bring myself to dance. And though I met a handful of people who were friendly enough, nobody had staying power.”
“Are you upset about it? Does it bother you that you came back?”
I shook my head. “No. I mean, I guess there’s a part of me that’s feeling humbled, but I wouldn’t say I’m upset. I simply got the proof that I’ve been right where I’m supposed to be all my life. Landing is home, and now I’ve got to start building the life I want here.”
More and more relief worked its way into Ivy’s expression. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, her eyes shining. “So, you’re planning to look for a place. Does that mean you aren’t auditioning for another tour any time soon?”
My mind drifted back to the months I’d been on tour. I’d been dancing professionally for the last eight years. Obviously, I hadn’t spent that entire time on tour, but there had been quite a few gigs I’d gotten that took me away from Landing for extended periods. None had been like the most recent.
I’d been extraordinarily lucky. There weren’t many people who got to have the experience that I did—traveling all over the world while doing something I loved.
I sighed. “The last thing I want is to appear ungrateful, because that couldn’t be further from the truth of how I feel. I’ve enjoyed being on tour, getting to see new places, and having a community of friends that feel the same about dance as I do. But I’m ready for a change, Ivy. I don’t think I’ll never go on another tour ever again, but my primary focus is on building a life for myself right now.”
My best friend seemed genuinely surprised by my declaration. “Really?”
I nodded, popping more fruit into my mouth.
As I chewed, Ivy pressed, “Are you planning to just stick to local work, then? Maybe things in New York City, since that’s a reasonable driving distance?”
With a shake of my head, I declined. “No. Actually, if there was one thing I accomplished while I was away, it was thinking.”
“About what, specifically?”
“Well, there was a lot, but the one area where I feel like I have some answers and direction is with my career,” I started. “When I realized that nothing was happening for me to be able to settle in anywhere else, I decided I needed to come back here and create something sustainable for the long term.”
“Oh, this sounds interesting. What are you planning to do?”
“I want to open my own studio,” I told her. “I don’t want to do traditional dance classes and rehearsals and recitals for young children, though. I think there’s already plenty of thataround. What I want to do is have a place for the older kids, the teenagers. Hell, I’d love to see some adults there, too. I want to build something that I wished I would have had available to me when I was a teen—a place with pop-up classes, a different routine to a different song each time. I don’t want kids to have to worry about monthly fees to be able to come and dance when they want. I’ll have to work out the details, but I’m thinking of just having a pay per class for those who might be struggling like I was. I don’t know. All I care about is there being a place where these kids can go to get their minds off whatever is happening in their lives and just be able to dance. Or for the adults who’ve always loved dance but maybe never took a formal class and want to try.”