Page 2 of Reluctantly You

I’m fatherless and brotherless.

As I approach the twinkling lights, hearing the happy laughter and chatter of the guests, I see a familiar figure in the distance.

Max and his Beau, kissing under the stars, looking content and happy.

Is this why he’s stopped talking to me? Because he’s with another man?

My heart beats faster, rage pulsing through me.

Fuck them.

Fuck them for finding love when I can’t even seem to find myself.

Why I even care what they do, I don’t know. They showed me who they are, who they care about.

And it’s not me.

It’s never been me.

I’m not even their brother, not fully. Maybe that’s the disconnect.

Maybe they know. Maybe they found out and hate who I am even more.

My feet stop moving, and my entire body locks up.

My gaze catches on another figure moving in the light. Sem and Magnus, my brother in his husband’s arms. Two little kids holding on to their fathers’ legs. They’re dancing, smiling, teeth showing as they throw their heads back and laugh.

It’s ridiculous. Infuriating. How two people can seem so in love, so enamored with each other.

I purse my dry lips and tap at my sternum, willing my heartbeat to soften, but it only continues to pound. Harder. Rougher.

Because there he is. Matt. My brother, the only one I ever really felt close to. And in his arms is another man. His roommate, Cooper. They’re in tuxedos, their lips molded together for long seconds before they pull apart. Matt rests his forehead on Cooper’s and whispers something to him, something meant only for him. A secret.

Their eyes meet, and I watch their lips turn up in a smile, happiness and peacefulness radiating off them.

My eyes swivel down to their locked hands, and I see the rings glinting from the dim lights twinkling above them.

They’re married too.

They’re married and, once again, no one told me.

My face heats, and I feel my pulse pound in my skull, right behind my ears.

Why would they tell you? my brain mocks.You’re hateful and spiteful and ugly.

No one wants you.

No one cares about you.

I shake those chants away, fisting my hands near my sides, nails digging into my palms, and watch as everyone laughs and smiles. Happy I’m not there, happy their night is perfect without me, the ugly stain in the family.

The one no one wants.

The one they want to scrub away and pretend doesn’t exist.

My knuckles crack, and I turn my gaze away.

They hate me. Which is to be expected. I don’t like myself either, loathe the way I am.