Page 19 of Loving Jamie
I shake my head no. I don’t want to sit down. My chest is wheezy and my skin feels itchy. I can feel sweat trickling down my back.
He stands up and slowly steps towards me. He walks until his face is inches away from mine. He lifts his fist so fast and for a moment, I fear he’s going to hit me.
The hit never comes. Instead, he wraps a cool hand around the back of my neck, and I flinch at the contact of cold fingers against my heated skin.
I squeeze my eyes tight as his fingers slide up my neck and wrap around my hair. I know what he’s about to do because it’s the same thing he did last night.
I clench my jaw to make sure the gasp doesn’t escape my lips as he sharply tugs at the strands, sending tiny zaps of pain through my scalp which nearly sends me to my knees.
“Open your eyes and look at me.”
I open my eyes, and I have to tilt my head up slightly to look at him. We are the same height, but with him holding me tightly and looming over me, I feel overpowered.
He doesn’t give me a chance to say no as he drags me over to the sofa and pushes me to sit down.
I fall onto the cushions and stare at him.
He runs a hand down his face and takes a deep breath before he says, “Fucking hell, Justin. What’s the matter with you? I ask you a question and you blow up on me. If something I say or do upsets you, then you need to talk to me like an adult, not stomp your feet and scream at me.”
I know he’s right, but his question triggered something I have been pushing away since I was a teenager.
I tilt my head down so I don’t have to look at him. I don’t say anything because I don’t know how to respond.
When he sees I'm not going to answer, he walks over to me and sits down on the sofa. “Justin, please talk to me. Why did something as simple as that make you so angry?”
I put my elbows on my thighs and place my hands over my face. “I don’t know what to tell you, William. I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that.”
His hand strokes up and down my spine, which melts some of the tension in my body. We sit in silence, my heart slowly returning to its normal pace.
“Can I ask you some questions?” I quietly say.
He hums. “You can ask me anything you want, Justin.”
I sit up so I can watch his face as I say, “Have you ever bottomed?”
He slowly nods his head. “In the past, yeah. The first time I had sex, I was the one who bottomed. It’s not really a thing I do much now, because like you said before, who is going to call me Daddy whilst fucking me? But just because I'm a Daddy it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being fucked when it happens, but my preference is being on top.”
His answer surprises me.
He raises an eyebrow. “You judged me without even realising it, Justin. Just because I look like a strict top, that isn't always the case. I mean, I haven't always looked like this and when I came out, I was a teenager, so I did a lot of experimenting.”
My face heats as shame, and guilt spreads through me. He’s right, I did judge him. “I'm sorry, it's not right of me to assume things. Because I have only slept with women, the opportunity to explore ass play was never there. I was always the dominant, and the women I slept with never expressed wanting to try things like that.”
William holds a hand out to me and I slot my fingers through his. “Thank you for apologising. I understand what you mean. If you’ve only ever had sex with women, then you never had the chance to try it. Can I ask you something?”
I shake my head. I need to tell him something first. “Before you ask me, I need to tell you something.” I lick my dry lips and decide to just spit it out. “The reason why Jamie and I waited to have sex is because I have never been with a man before. I’m bisexual, but I have only been with women. I have only ever been a Daddy to women. I didn’t realise there was a part of me that might be interested in men until I started to get to know Jamie better when Jude was in the hospital and then I met you. Everything sort of fell into place. We started out as friends and he was a shoulder to lean on when I was hurting and when I developed feelings for him, I told him that I thought I was bisexual. I started looking at men differently. Every man I came across, I tried to see if there was any attraction and I started noticing I found a lot of men attractive.”
His hand continues to stroke up and down my spine as he listens to me talk. When I'm finished talking, he says, “Thank you for telling me. I assumed when we first met that you were gay. But you never being with a man doesn’t make me feel any different about you. I like you a lot and I like Jamie. We all fit together in such a way I didn’t think would be possible. So, thank you.” He presses his lips to mine and I sink into him. His warm breath heats me up and his strong hands ground me.
When he pulls away, he raises an eyebrow and asks, “Seeing as you were so sure you wouldn’t ever bottom for someone, have you ever explored that part of yourself on your own?”
I think back to when I started masturbating as a teenager. I was only ever paying attention to my dick because that’s what felt good.
Shaking my head. “No, I was only interested in my dick. I tried once when I was younger.”
“What do you mean?” He asks.
I can feel my face getting heated. I'm not a prude, but telling him about jerking off is making me squirm.