Page 58 of Loving Jamie
When I wake up in the morning, I discover we’re missing a body. Jamie isn’t here. I look for my phone on the bed and check the time and see it's five-thirty in the morning. What is he doing up at this time?
I carefully climb out of bed, making sure not to disturb William.
I grab a pair of boxers from the floor and pull them up my legs before I start my search for Jamie. I find him sitting in the living room, the sun hasn’t come up fully yet so the room is only dimly lit.
I sit on the sofa next to him, he offers me a watery smile. “Hey, sorry did I wake you up?” He asks.
I shake my head, “No I don’t think so, I just woke up and realised you weren’t there. What are you doing up so early?”
This time when he speaks the tears freely roll down his cheeks. “Damian gets out in a few days. And I’m fucking scared.”
I lean further into the back of the sofa and gently pull him onto my lap, I wrap my arms around his body and squeeze him to me. He softly cries, as I rock him backwards and forwards. “I know you’re scared, baby. I think that’s a normal way to feel. But remember you aren’t the same person you were a few years ago. You aren’t alone any more, you have people here who love you. I can’t tell you not to be scared because I know it doesn’t work like that. Just take it a day at the time, as long as you’re waking up each morning, just know that he hasn’t won.”
It takes a long time for his tears to slow down, and when he pulls back, I open my eyes. The sun is now shining through the curtains, casting a warm glow throughout the room. I use my fingers to brush away the last of his tears and press a kiss to the tip of his nose.
“I love you, Jamie.”
“I love you too.” He looks exhausted, I feel guilty for not instantly realising he wasn’t next to me in bed, so I don’t even know how long he’s been awake for.
“Do you want to go back to bed, or are you up for the day?” I ask him.
He rests his head against my shoulder and says, “Take me back to bed, Daddy.”
I stand up from the sofa with him still wrapped in my arms and walk towards the bedroom. I get us settled back in bed with him in the middle. William grumbles and turns around, pulling Jamie against him in his sleep. Jamie giggles before he closes his eyes and it doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep.
My eyes burn and I’m exhausted but I know I’m not going to be able to fall back asleep, I look over at my guys cuddled up snoring together and once again I’m reminded of how lucky I am to have met them.
I grab my phone from the nightstand and lower the brightness down so the light doesn’t wake them up. I open google and typetherapists in my area,pages and pages of results show up so I just click the first link.
I spend some time looking through the page's information and what type of services they offer, whether they are private or not and if I can see them in person or do it all alone. I think I would rather do it via phone call or video chat.
After setting a reminder on my calendar to make the phone call when the place opens to see about setting up an appointment, I check the time and see that it's almost 7am. I very slowly and carefully climb out of bed before grabbing my clothes from the floor.
I softly click the bedroom door shut behind me. After freshening up in the bathroom I get dressed and walk to the living room in hopes of finding a notepad and a pen.
I leave my guys a note telling them I’ve nipped out to grab us some breakfast and that I’ll be back soon.
Hopefully Jamie doesn’t mind that I’ve taken the front door keys and locked them inside, but to be honest after the late night we had I imagine they’ll be out cold until I get back.
The air is fresh and morning dew covers the grass. I suck in a couple of deep breaths, the air cleansing my lungs and my head. I find a café a few streets away and order us all a mixed feast for breakfast as well as a couple of syrupy coffees.
It doesn’t take me long to walk back to Jamie’s apartment, a few people are out on the streets already so I smile back at the people who look at me and hold the doors open for an elderly lady who’s carrying her shopping.
Unlocking the front door, I listen for any movements but as predicted the guys are still asleep. I slip my shoes off and carry my stuff towards Jamie’s bedroom. The toilet flushes and a moment later William steps out of the bathroom.
He rubs his eyes and says, “There you are. I woke up and you weren’t in bed.” He looks at the bags and coffee cups in my hands and rushes over to me, “Here let me help. Jamie’s still asleep so I think the coffee was a good idea.”
Before he can walk through Jamie’s bedroom door, I stop him with a gentle hand to his shoulder, “Just letting you know, I woke up at like five this morning and found him upset in the living room. He’s ok now but he was telling me how scared he is for the next few days.”
He nods his head in understanding. “Ah yeah, the ex is getting out.”
“Yeah. So, I think the next few days we need to stay with him as much as possible… without smothering him.” I tell him.
“We can do that. I can take some time off work and maybe we can have Jude and Nate come round to take his mind off it?” He suggests.
Jamie’s groggy voice sounds from the bedroom. “I can hear you guys.”
“Busted. Come on, let's go feed him.” I say as I open the bedroom door.