Page 35 of Breaking Vincent
“David, look at me.”
I force myself to make eye contact, and the concern is so evident on his face that I struggle to not squirm in my seat.
“I know you’re still new here and we haven’t built up a true friendship yet, but I just want you to know that whatever is bothering you, you can talk to me about it. I care deeply for every single one of my staff and if there's anything I can do to help, then I will.”
The guilt that was already weighing down my stomach doubles at his words, because it’s true, William has been nothing but kind to me since the day I turned up for my interview. He never judged me for being who I am, in fact he supported me.
“I fucked up. Like really bad and now I don’t know what to do.”
He nods his head and waits for me to continue.
“Fuck it. If I’m telling you what happened, then you need to know the story from the beginning.
I explain meeting TheMaskedBrat94 on Voyeurism Fans, which he already knows what it is as one of his boyfriends runs the website. I tell him that the brat followed me to the bathroom and we hooked up. “I know I shouldn’t have been fucking with anyone during my shift, but in the heat of the moment, I couldn’t say no.”
William looks taken back as he holds a hand up and says, “What do you mean you couldn’t say no? He didn’t force himself on you, did he?”
I groan into my hands. I’m fucking this up. “No, no. Nothing like that. It was more like I didn’t want to say no. Don't worry there was clear consent from both sides.”
“Right, ok. That’s fine. And technically, you had just finished your shift, so you’re free to do as you want. Although I would rather you not be wearing your work uniform when playing with members.”
“Noted. So yeah, we hooked up and then I asked him to come back to the club, during a time when I wasn't working. And he shared a couple of personal details that I would rather not repeat. The gist of it was that, he’s not new to BDSM, but he's never played with another person before and he's into some hardcore stuff. So, we spoke about boundaries and expectations, and did a few warm ups to set the mood and loosen him up a bit.”
William nods, stroking a hand through his hair. “I’m glad he came here and had a scene with you, rather than playing with one of the more intense members. So, what happened? Did he not enjoy what you did?”
I shrug my shoulders. “He says he enjoyed everything that happened, since it was his first time, I didn’t want to do anything too risky. It was what happened afterwards.”
The shame and nausea rise up my chest as I prepare to explain.
“Because he was late to meet me, through no fault of his own, really. I settled on a punishment, which if I chose something appropriate then things would have been fine.”
Myforehead is sweating and my mouth has gone dry as a fucking bone. William slides me a bottle of water from the small fridge he keeps under his desk and I chug half of it down.
“When we were done, I left him there. After he finally found the courage to explore this side of himself, I played with him and left. No praise for how well he behaved, no aftercare.” I lean my elbows on my thighs and groan. “I fucked up. I’m supposed to be the experienced Dom and I fucking left him all alone.”
Too many emotions are racing around my head and I’m struggling to pull myself out of the mess. I don’t want to have a break down in front of my boss, but my chest is squeezing so fucking tight. My hands find their way to my hair and I tug on the stands until my eyes burn with tears.
“What do I do? Sure, I’ve made mistakes before, but nothing this bad. I know better and I understand the importance of aftercare.”
William stands up from his chair and walks around his desk until he's standing beside me. His heavy hand lands on my arm before he pulls me up to my feet. I don’t know if I tense up because I’m subconsciously expecting a hit, but the hit never comes. What does happen, is a pair of arms wrap around my neck and I’m pulled into a strong embrace.
Given the man is over 6 feet tall, I end up awkwardly smushed in his chest. If I was a different kind of gay, I would probably enjoy a mouthful of pecs. But I appreciate the hug all the same.
When William pulls away, he looks me in the eyes and says, “I understand your guilt and I’m not dismissing it, but you can’t let this overwhelm you. Everybody and I mean everybody makes mistakes, and if someone says they never had, then they are talking out of their ass.”
I find that hard to believe, I mean I know people fuck up during the early days, but not like this and not when they’ve been in the life style as long as I have.
“Even you?” I ask, my voice small and unsure. I hate it.
My boss nods his head and sits back down at his desk, I follow his lead and get settled back into my chair.
“I’ve been into kink for over ten years, and I’m still learning things and making mistakes. Fuck, I mean I’m now in a relationship with two men and even though we’re very happy in our throuple, that doesn’t mean mistakes aren’t made. It took a lot of trial and error in the early days of our relationship.”
Truthfully, I don’t envy the guy. I mean, yeah, I wish I had someone to come home to at the end of the day, a person who was made just for me. But dealing with more than one person isn’t for me. More power to him, though. Obviously, he’s happy.
“What do I do from here? I’ve already apologised to him and he seems to have accepted my apology. I just can’t shake this feeling.” I feel pathetic, begging for answers to fix my wrongdoings.
“Do you know what Top Drop is?”