Page 2 of Ride with Zane
“Yeah, sure.” He chuckles too. “Well, I'll let you be. Don't stay up too late, okay?” He pulls me into another bear hug again. “Love you, cupcake.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
After a few minutes, he finally lets me go, and I walk him to the door. I watch him drive away before locking the door and turn my attention to the two presents that sit on my kitchen island. Caressing the red one, I pull the strings of its bow and it reveals an adorable Pandora bracelet with all the lovely pendants. I put it on, then grab my luggage and the second gift before heading upstairs.
After a shower, I slip into my pajamas and sit crossed legged on my bed. The blue box is bigger than the one I got last year. I caress it, trying to hold back my tears.Oh, Mom, how I wish you were here.
She passed away when I was twelve, and it was the worst period of my life. It shattered my heart and seeing Dad fighting his depression alone made me realize I have to be strong for him too. I wasn’t a baby anymore and couldn’t be angry with Mom for letting go and not fighting for us anymore. It wasn’t her fault, but my naïve side wanted to vent over someone, and it was easier to blame her. After a week, I noticed dad was miles away. What I was looking at was just a shadow. My father wasn’t in there anymore. He kept going to work and taking care of me but felt more like a robot. Watching him cry his heart out made me realize we could work it together. He felt the same as I did but pretended everything was fine for my sake. Lies. Lies thathurt even more. It took him almost two years to recover from his grief, but now he seems better, and that's the best thing ever.
Mom knew she wouldn't be with us, and Dad told me she planned my gifts for many years. Each year, I get a different but unique item that somehow looks essential. With shaky hands, I carefully open the box and take out her note:
You have just one life. Live it up, cupcake, and have a shot for me too. I'm so proud of you. I love you with all my heart. Mom xx
I burst into tears, and I hold the note close to my chest. My heart aches, knowing she has missed so many important things in my life, and there's more to come. She left us way too soon. I wanted more time with her but couldn’t have it.
Wiping the tears with the back of my hand, I peel away the blue tissue paper, eyeing something black. I take it out and my mouth drops open in awe at the fabulous, sexy black dress in front of me. I hang it up and peer at it for some more time while shaking my head.Oh Mom, this will do for the party.Kelly made me promise I’ll wear something other than jeans and a top.So here you go, Kelly.Thank you, Mom.
Zane
Gazing at the stars, I wonder how many there are out of there. I've read somewhere that they're billions of fragments of planets or some shit like that, but that doesn't make them any less beautiful since she’s one of them.
The music from our Clubhouse blares loudly as someone opens the door. Silently, I sigh, knowing that my seconds of peace are about to come to an end.
Denise comes to stand beside me, looking at the sky as well. “Still counting them, huh?”
Shrugging, I lean back in my seat. “Nah, just relaxing.”
“Is it one of those days?” She snatches my beer and takes a gulp of it.
“One of those days?” I repeat, cocking an eyebrow.
“You know, Rock, for being our president, you play the dumb role quite well,” she teases.
I chuckle, shaking my head. Denise is Caroline's sister and I dare to say she knows me better than any of my brothers. Yeah, it is one of those days when memories hit hard and guilt eats me up. Again. I have lost count of them but it’s a routine and I can’t seem to realize what the norm feels like.
She nudges me. “You know she would have kicked your ass, right?”
I sigh, pushing down the bittersweet feeling in my chest. “I know, Di.” I know damn well, and I so wish she could do it. Her memories are fading away and I try so hard to keep them in place.
“Then why aren't you moving on?”
Do I deserve to? After all that shit happened? No, thank you! “Because I don't want to lose anyone in my life, ever again.” Shifting my gaze to her, I can see the disappointment in her eyes.
“That's not life, and you damn well know it. Some idiot on his phone ran her off the road, and it wasn't your fault.”
“It wasn't just some guy, Di. He was one of The Vipers, and he did it on purpose,” I snap at her. That piece of shit destroyed her future, all because of me. And with her my life went down the hill too. Pretending everything’s fine while running the club and our businesses is my routine. That’s what I need. What I deserve.
She stands up and faces me. “I know the police didn't want to investigate, but justice was served, and he's buried somewhere out there. It wasn't your fault, so stop fucking blaming yourself!”
“It's not that easy, Di.” I tug at my hair, trying to calm the demon inside me because, right now, I want to punch someone. If she wasn’t with me, she would still be alive.
“You're just a coward, Rock,” she scoffs. “Falling for someone scares the hell out of you because you think you're betraying Caroline's memory. She will always be a part of your life. You just need to move on and that doesn’t mean you’ll forget her or erase her from your heart.” She sighs. “Do it now while you're still sexy as hell; otherwise, you'll be alone forever.”
“Wow, thanks, Di.” Getting up, I pull the keys from my pocket. “You're coming to ZBE tomorrow.”
Her eyes widen. “Oh, hell no!”
“Of course, you are.” I smirk at her. “Mine wasn’t a question.”