Page 66 of Perfect Sin
“Unless you give me a reason not to.”
“I’ve seen the way you look at each other. You run to him when there’s a problem. How am I supposed to trust you?”
She sucks in a breath. Once again I’ve turned my pain into a weapon to strike first. The truly pathetic thing is, I do trust her. It’s myself I don’t have faith in, that I can be enough for her.
She holds her arms out to her sides and she releases a sound that’s half laugh, half sob. “How are we supposed to make it if we don’t have trust?”
Panic like I’ve never experienced before surges through me, dulling the tide of jealousy. “I love you.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not sure that’s enough. Not when loving you just hurts.”
“There has to be a way for us to work through this,” I beg.
She heads down the hallway toward our bedroom, stopping halfway there and looks back at me. “Let me know if you figure it out.”
20
Flashback
Raven
My only thoughtwhile we were talking was I wanted to be the one to walk away. Turns out I didn’t think my escape through enough. Now I’m trapped in our room.
Going back out to the living room doesn’t seem like the best idea. One of us is just going to say something worse than we’ve already said. Despite my harsh parting words, I’m not really ready to give up on my marriage. Sin is vital to me. Leaving him would be like cutting out my own heart.
Still, we can’t continue the way we are. We need to learn to bend before we break, but hell if I know how we get there. That leaves me pacing my room, trying to unjumble the tangled mess of my life.
Everywhere I look around the room I see signs of his life mingling with mine, our textbooks stacked side by side, our clothes hanging next to each other in the closet, and two pillows waiting for us on the bed.
My absence over the last few days hits me seeing one side of the bed rumpled and the other just as I left it. Sin doesn’t sleep well without me. Did his demons chase him while he was alone? I hate that despite how mad at him I am, I still want to take care of him.
He’s the only one with the power to truly wound me. His words cut and draw blood. I react every time, giving as good as I get. I love him, but we aren’t good for each other the way we are right now. We need to change together or we risk tearing each other apart.
For three days I’ve gone back and forth about what I should do. I don’t have the strength to leave him, but I don’t think I can keep fighting for us either if I’m battling alone. After days of endless worrying, I’m overcome with exhaustion. The bed calls to me, and a nap will allow me to shut everything off for a little while.
I kick off my shoes and climb under the fluffy down blanket on his side of the bed. The need to be close to him is overwhelming, even if it’s just me laying my head in the same spot his usually rests. The moment my head hits the pillow Sin’s unique scent of leather and spice hits my nose. I bury my face into it to both torture myself a little and muffle my sobs.
Like the last few days, sleep is hard to find, but eventually I manage to cry myself into oblivion.
* * *
A knockon the door rouses me from sleep. “I’m coming,” I grumble.
“I know you want to continue our conversation, but I need a little more time,” I say as I open the door. I don’t get a chance to look closely at who’s on the other side as I'm shoved back in the room.
The scent of leather is missing, as well as the cocky swagger Sin has when he moves. Before I can get a look at him, his hand wraps around my throat and squeezes. I claw at it and feel my nails break the skin while black dots float in my vision.
I can’t pull in enough air to speak more than soundless squeaks. My eyes flick up to his face. I feel like I recognize the watery brown eyes looking back at me, but I can’t place them. The lack of oxygen has my brain struggling to function.
I must breathe. This can’t be the end. Not after everything Sin and I have been through. I’m not willing to accept that I’m not going to get to tell him I love him, that we can work through this. If this is the end of me, my wounded pride will forever stand between us, and the thought makes me try once more to struggle. If not for me, then to hold him again.
His fingers dig deeper into my skin. “You will always be mine. Agree to leave with me and I’ll let you breathe.”
My heart threatens to pound out of my chest, and I remember where I’ve seen those eyes before. “Kyle?” I manage to rasp.
He lets go of my neck, and I gulp lungfuls of oxygen. Each inhale travels down my throat like fire. I scramble backwards to get away from him, but he’s put himself between me and the door.
“Where is Sin?” I croak.