Page 60 of The Merger
He was right. I hadn’t meant to, but I had subconsciously tossed every roadblock I could his way. “I want to give us a chance. I’m sorry I have been so cold to you.”
Stryker smirked, and goosebumps ran down my skin. I might have tried to deny a lot when it came to him, but there was no ignoring our chemistry. “I wouldn’t say you were cold in my office the other day.”
I fought the urge to fan myself. That was something I definitely wanted to try again. Maybe just without an audience close by this time. “I want more than sex.”
He gave me a deadpan look. “I’ve been trying to have more than that since the beginning. Fucking you is one of my favorite things to do, but I also love talking to you, holding you, and even unpacking boxes with you.”
Looking around my apartment, or I guess maybe I should try and think of it as our apartment, I was confronted with the fact I’d made no effort to make room in my life for him. “Where are your things?”
He scratched his head, mussing up the longer strands on the top. Somehow it made him sexier which was unfair since I’d look crazy if my hair started going in several directions at once. “You mean my clothes?”
I shook my head. “No your keepsakes and you know, stuff. Everyone has stuff, don’t they?”
“I don’t. I’ve spent the last five years bouncing around from one company to the next trying to build something for us. I didn’t want to start marking my life with mementos because not a moment without you was something I wanted to remember.”
If it were possible for a human being to melt, I’d have become a puddle on my living room floor. “This apartment is really feminine.”
He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. “That’s okay. This apartment reflects you, and that is something I enjoy being surrounded by.”
“Nope,” I said, pulling my hand free. I got up off the couch and grabbed my purse. “Grab your keys, we’re going shopping. Then we have to get you checked out of your suite.”
His answering smile was charming and full of happiness. This wasn’t one of his, “I’m thinking dirty thoughts” smiles, but it was certainly giving me some ideas to try later. He didn’t complain about shopping, something my father always did, but simply grabbed his keys and headed for the door.
I directed him to a year round flea market I loved to go to. I didn’t know how much money he had, but I hoped he liked the thrill of hunting for treasures amidst more mundane items. Anyone could go to a department store and choose items from displays to decorate their home. There was nothing wrong with that, but I preferred to give a second life to things that had been discarded. I guess I felt sympathy for those things.
“Why?” he asked.
My forehead scrunched in confusion. Stryker smoothed it out with his fingers. “You mumbled something about feeling sympathetic toward these things.”
I shrugged, that uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability swelling up in me. “I think because I was once the new and shiny thing, and my mom tossed me aside for something newer and prettier.”
He frowned and placed his hands on my shoulders so I couldn’t turn away. “First, Waverly is not prettier. I know what you mean, mostly. I was never the son my father wanted. My mother was poor, and recognizing me would have caused too big of a scandal. Even to this day he barely acknowledges I exist.”
“He can go screw himself,” I mumbled. I’d had it with the Grahams.
The corner of Stryker’s mouth twitched before he grew serious again. “Children aren’t meant to make their parents look good. We don’t ask to come into this world, and if parents expect anything other than love and family, they aren’t having children for the right reasons.”
There were so many things we really needed to discuss if we were going to give being married a real shot, and I dug deep for the courage to tackle one of them. “Do you want kids?”
His jaw ticked. “I’m afraid to answer you.”
My heart felt like it fell into my stomach. The truth was, I wanted kids, badly. It wasn’t like being a mother was my only aspiration in life. I agreed with him that kids were about giving love and getting it back. But, that was what I wanted most. A family not broken by a selfish parent.
“Why?” I croaked.
“Because if I answer wrong, whatever is happening between us today might end,” he said softly.
I nodded. I knew what he meant. Truthfully, if he said he didn’t want kids, I would always wonder if being with me was the right thing. Then I pulled up my big girl panties and decided I’d spent enough of my life hiding.
“If we’re going to do this,” I began.
His eyebrow cocked up, and he gave me a stern look. “If?”
I continued as if he hadn’t interrupted. “If we are going to do this, then we have to be honest. I know you say you’re sure about me, but I’m still catching up.”
His hands dropped from my shoulders, and he started to turn away from me. I grabbed his arm and turned him around again. Or, he let me turn him around, because hello, muscles. “I want to give us a chance. In order to do that, we need to get to know each other.”
He nodded, but he was still upset. “See, that’s the thing. I know I want to be with you. Whatever life brings our way I want to face it with you. Whether or not we have kids is details to me.”