Page 5 of Pretty Broken Things
“As much as I appreciate being used, you’re going to have to look somewhere else tonight.” My tone is harsher than I intend, but I’m still irritable from dealing with Tessa.
Jess stomps off, probably to find someone else she hopes can fill that empty place inside of her. I hope she can find it inside herself, otherwise she’ll become another victim of Jefferson Park.
Speaking of Tessa, I haven’t heard her yelling at anyone, which almost makes me more worried about what she’s up to. I look around for her, but don’t see her anywhere. I can’t imagine she’d seek Shane out after he lifted the nice guy mask he wears at school and let his inner asshole out to play.
“Please tell me you aren’t looking for the ice queen,” rasps a familiar voice over my shoulder.
I turn around, and a wide smile spreads across my face. “Where the fuck have you been?”
I haven’t seen Tracy in months. Ever since we turned sixteen nearly two years ago she’s developed a habit of taking off. I freaked out the first time. She was gone for almost three weeks, and not a single adult bothered to look for her. Since she got away with it once, now she does it whenever things get to be too much at home. I don’t question why she leaves, only what brings her back.
“You know me, I’ve just got a bad case of wanderlust. I met a guy, and we had fun for a while. But he wanted more, and you know that’s not me.”
Commitment phobic to her core, it’s part of why we always find our way back to each other. With her I can be myself, and not worry she’ll see picket fences and fat babies when she looks at me. Her home life isn’t all that different from mine. It’s hard to imagine settling down when the only couples you’ve seen seem to make a sport of making each other miserable.
Tracy and I have a connection neither of us wants to ruin by allowing romantic feelings to develop. Emotionally romantic that is. We have no problem using each other to scratch a metaphorical itch.
“Who were you looking for then?” she pushes. We both know I was searching for Tessa.
“Please tell me you haven’t done something stupid like catch feelings for the Countess.”
“Bite your tongue, Trace. I was looking for Tessa James, but you already know that. Don’t worry though, the only feelings I’m at risk of catching for her are homicidal.”
A crease forms between her eyes, and she frowns. “Okay, now I’m worried. You’ll never want anything that comes easily, and that girl is definitely work.”
“I’m not going to fall for anyone, especially that spoiled bitch,” I swear.
Tracy shrugs. “As much as we want to pretend we’re immune to feelings we’re still human, Ford. Even worse, we don’t get to pick who we fall for.”
Something’s different about her. She’s grown up a lot this time, and there’s a heaviness weighing her down now. We’re delving into new territory for us. Tracy and I don’t talk about heavy shit. I’m not sure I like it, but I can’t make it stop. If she needs to vent, I’ll always be here for her. God knows she’s done the same for me in the past.
“And if you could choose?” I hear myself ask.
She smiles at me, but it’s sad. “I think we both know it would be you. We make sense. We understand each other like no one else ever will, but that’s the problem, isn’t it?”
This time it’s my turn to frown. “How is that a problem?”
She holds her arms out and spins in a slow circle before facing me again. “Together this is all we’ll ever be. There wouldn’t be motivation to become something more. I need more, Ford, and so do you.”
I nod my head. “I understand. We can’t go on like this forever. Hell, every time you leave, I wonder if that will be the last time I see you.”
Her lips twist and a far away look comes over her face. “No offense, but every time I leave I hope to never come back. Someday I hope I don’t find you here. One of us needs to get out and stay gone.”
I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. I might not be in love with her, but she’s been a big part of my life since I started school. Next to Shane, she’s my oldest friend. A friend I occasionally fuck, but a friend nonetheless.
The crunch of gravel behind me alerts me to someone interrupting my moment with Tracy. “There you are,” Tessa breathes out.
Tracy smirks, and I shake my head to stop her from spilling more bullshit in front of Tessa.
“I haven’t been hiding,” I say dismissively to Tessa.
“Can we go?” she whines.
“No,” I say simply.
“This is stupid. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I want to go home,” she pushes.
“Well, I want to get my dick sucked, so unless you’re offering go find somewhere to pout in private.”