Page 126 of Hockey Boy
She rolls her eyes. “Please, Uncle Aiden, this is obviously for Lennox.”
“I’ll go with Princess.”
She sighs like she’s disappointed in my choice, and I try not to take offense. It is an awful nickname, but I didn’t pick it. I just stole it from her father. Silently, Winnie digs through the compartment filled with lettered beads, so I take the opportunity to chat with her.
“So what’s new?”
“It’s fine, Uncle Aiden. We don’t have to talk. I’ll make the bracelet for you.”
My heart sinks at her sullen tone and her brush-off. She’s always been happy to have silly conversations with me. “But what if I want to talk?”
Her focus remains on the beads, her fingers still rooting around for the correct letters. “You can talk,” she says with an exaggerated sigh.
Pushing away the unease, I ask, “You been working on any new drawings?”
This sigh is more forceful, but it’s the only reply I get.
Maybe I’m being overly sensitive, but she’s definitely off. And maybe that’s why I find myself wanting to open up to her. “Sometimes I find it hard to do the things I love.”
Winnie peers up at me. “Huh?”
“Hockey, singing.” I twist my lips. “Smiling. Sometimes it’s hard to do it, even though I love it. Ya know?”
She shrugs, back to sorting beads for a moment. But then she bites her lip and glances at me. “You always seem so happy.” She picks up a bead and slides it onto the bracelet.
I follow suit, grabbing a string of my own. It’s easier to talk when I’m doing this. It’s an odd form of therapy, but I guess we do what works. “Sometimes it’s easier to fake it than to talk.”
Her response is another heavy breath.
“I can imagine this house can get pretty loud and busy.”
Winnie’s watching me now, her stare weighted. Like she thinks I’m an idiot. Probably because it’s obvious that a household of seven would be loud.
Maybe I am an idiot. But I continue anyway. I feel like she needs to hear this. “When things get loud for me, I like to sit in the dark. My therapist thinks that if I do that too much, it may mean I may need something more.” I swallow, leaving it at that rather than mentioning antidepressants. I’m not ready to deal with that yet.
With a hum, she continues stringing the beads. I follow suit, working hard to remain silent. She lets out a heavy sigh as she ties off her bracelet and hands it to me.
I smile down at the wordprincesson the pink bracelet. Mine sayswifey. I’m already imagining my girl’s likely reaction—it’ll be epic. I snap the lid of the bead kit closed, taking the hint that I’m being dismissed, but before I can hop up, Winnie’s tiny hand grips mine.
“Would you maybe?—”
She hesitates, so I settle my other hand over hers and squeeze. “Anything, Win. I’ll do anything you ask.”
Brown eyes blink up at me, going misty, and her look of apathy morphs into sadness. Her voice hitches as she rasps, “Sit with me? For a little longer?”
Hours later, I’m lying in the dark with my girl, my mind still a jumbled mess. Winnie and I finally left her room when the pizza was delivered. She shyly asked me if she could give Lennox the bracelet—and I lit up when Lennox’s surprised squeal at the gift made Winnie smile.
For the rest of the night, she seemed more present, happier. I hope it wasn’t all an act. That she wasn’t hiding beneath a mask. That I’d given her enough peace to get her through the night. Though I’m struggling with how to move forward. Would it be wrong to talk to Liv and Beckett about my suspicions? Would it be wrong not to?
Depression is hard enough for me as an adult. I can’t imagine having to navigate it as a kid. In some way, though, I suppose I always did. I just didn’t have the tools to understand the way the pendulum of my moods swung.
Out of my depth, I turn to Lennox and pour it all out. “I just wish I could help her,” I say quietly after sharing my thoughts.
Lennox plays with the bracelets on her wrist. “I think you did.”
My heart aches as I study her, looking for the lie, the placation. I certainly don’t feel like I did much of anything.
Lennox cups my chin. “Sometimes people just need to know that they’re not alone. That what they’re going through is normal.”