Page 99 of Hockey Boy
“Could you excuse me?” I say before Tacky can start on another tangent. Quickly, I remove myself from the table and head for the bathroom. Halfway there, I decide that I need fresh air and make a left toward the lawn.
As I breach the stuffy building, I suck in a breath of fresh air, and without thinking, I pull out my phone.
I said I didn’t need him. Convinced myself that I should stand on my own two feet. But right now, he’s all I want.
I pull up our text thread and immediately type outI miss you. But before I hit Send, that tightness in my chest returns. Should I be texting that? Am I supposed to admit that I miss him? Is this against the rules? We promised that if either of us developed real feelings, we’d sayshamrockand it all would end. What if he calls me out on it?
As I’m deleting the message, heels clack against the composite boards of the deck.
“What are you doing out here?”
My mother’s voice grates on me in a way that feels particularly cruel at this moment. I came out here for a break, for the comfort that I’m beginning to realize only Aiden can provide. Instead, I’m about to get a lecture.
“Why did you invite me to lunch?”
My mother swipes at a nonexistent hair on her face and gives me a perplexing glare. “Because I wanted to spend time with you.”
“Then why did you invite Tacky and her son? Why couldn’t we have lunch alone? Why am I never enough?” The last question comes out as almost a whisper. A hiss of emotion I wish I could hide. My mother has never approved of showing vulnerability, so I shouldn’t be surprised by her response.
“You’re making a scene over nothing. Tacky’s son is a wonderful young man, and I’m sure he’s less than impressed after you up and walked away from the table like that. We watched you walk out the door. I—” She shakes her head, as if I’m the one in the wrong. “I just don’t understand you.”
Frustration oozes like a festering sore. “I’m not trying to impress Tacky’s son. I have aboyfriend, mother.”
“Please. You’re not really going to marry that hockey player. Be serious, Lennox.”
“His name is Aiden, and I would be so lucky to marry a man like him.” Truer words have never been spoken. I’d be the lucky one if Aiden really wanted me. If what we were doing wasn’t a sham.
With a roll of her eyes, my mother points toward the door. “This is not a topic we’re going to discuss here. I’m going inside. I expect you to follow.” She doesn’t even wait for me to acknowledge her statement. Like my father, she knows I’ll do what I’m told.
For now, at least.
Too weak to stop myself, I unlock my phone and send Aiden a message, confessing to what I truly need at this moment.
Me: I could really use one of your hugs right about now.
Then I go inside, knowing full well that I won’t get anything I want today.
It’s only four o’clock, but it feels like the longest day of the year. After an unbearable lunch, I spent the afternoon researching last-minute wedding surprises and actively ignoring the fact that Aiden has yet to respond to my text. As I walk into the apartment I share with him, though, I can’t help but feel let down and foolish.
If anything, today is a reminder that I need to pull back from whatever we’re doing. Sex has obviously complicated our arrangement. It’s probably for the best that today happened. Now I can?—
I’m pulled from my thoughts by the sound of my phone ringing. I dig it out of my bag, and my heart stumbles when Aiden’s name flashes across the screen.
“Hi,” I say with a sigh, trying to ignore the way just his name has my stomach doing flips.
“Hi, baby. How’s my girl doing?”
Tears blur my vision as relief, along with another emotion I can’t quite put my finger on overwhelm me. I blink a few times. “I’m okay. Just had a shitty day.”
“Tell me about it?”
I drop my purse on the counter and pull a bottle of water from the fridge. When I spot Luigi and the duck guarding the orange soda and coffee milk, my chest warms with affection. “Just a bride with an impossible last-minute request and my mother being herself.”
“I’m sorry about your mother. As far as the bride goes, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. But if there’s anything I can help with?—”
I cut him off. “Aiden, don’t you have a game?”
“Tomorrow. We finished up early today. I’m sorry I couldn’t reply to you sooner.”