Page 76 of Knot Their Omega

The way Kai asks right now is with a bit of authority. Like an Alpha would ask his Omega, hoping she’ll rely on him by giving him the truth to his question.

I’m fighting my Omega instincts to do exactly that.

When he continues to stare at me, I feel a burning need to confess the truth.

Taking a steady breath and letting it out, I glance away and quietly mutter, “I don’t want to return to my mother’s place. It’s suffocating… toxic… a place that makes me feel like I’m drowning.” When I look back to see he isn’t judging me with those dark eyes of his, I decided to elaborate further.

“My mom doesn’t abuse me physically, but it’s just a different type of abuse. More emotional, if anything. Sometimes financial. It’s just a huge gap in generations and what she thinks is right versus my viewpoint and autonomy. We don’t mingle in thesame space, and that’s okay. That’s why I’m at Haven,” I admit and lower my gaze to my fidgeting fingers.

“By the laws, Omegas either have to be with their parents, a pack, or a Haven to be ‘independent.’ It’s not necessarily independent, as in you get to do whatever the fuck you want, but more so, the government can’t breathe down your throat to get a pack. However, now that I’m of age for an Omega, it’s only a matter of time when staying with a parent won’t work, and I’ll have a lot of disadvantages.”

“What’s one of those disadvantages you’re worried about?”

“Omegas can’t own pets,” I quietly reveal. “Blaze and Ember will get taken away from me if I don’t find a pack. I get leeway with staying at this specific Haven because of Velvet, but she can’t gatekeep that forever. Kamari, my best friend, no longer has a pack, either, so she can’t help me out.”

“And your mom can’t keep them because she’s toxic.”

“She believes I love my dogs more than her, so she’d probably open the door by accident so they can run out and get hit by a car.” Even saying that out loud makes me shiver in fear.

Kai notices immediately.

“We’ll figure it out,” he announces. “You don’t want to stay here because…” he encourages me to continue the sentence.

“Because if I stay in one space too long, it feels like the walls are closing in, and my creativity hits a roadblock that takes months to get out of,” I reveal the truth. “My work relies on my creativity. Like a musician who needs to be in a good, productive space to create music for themselves. I can’t write if I feel boxed up. I get a bit of leeway to walk around without a pack because of Ember and Blaze since animals have higher rights than Omegas, but if they’re gone… I’m stuck here… and well… my thoughts begin to spiral… and I get panic attacks…” I trail off because I don’t want to keep talking about it.

I can tell from the way my hands are trembling that the reality is getting to me hard.

Just breathe and take a moment to calm down. It’s not going to go down that route.

It’s easier said than done.

This is the emotion I despise the most. How suffocating this level of anxiety can have on a person. The grip is so tight and obnoxious, and no matter how many times you try to convince yourself that everything will be okay, you can’t trick your body into that mindset.

Your body knows your mind is playing games, and even if you have all the proof that ensures things will go in your favor, it’s not enough to ease this sensation.

I hate this.

The sad part is I never experienced this as a kid. Life in my eyes, even as a teen, gave me so much hope. So much opportunity, and even if there were challenges and bumps in the road, I knew I could overcome them with determination and perseverance.

Why can’t I have the same perspective as an adult? Why does everything feel like it’s doomed to fail? Is it because I can no longer rely solely on myself to get from A to B? That I now have to rely on a group of men who barely know me to provide the saving grace I desperately need? Why is even finding a pack so damn difficult?

It makes me wonder how Omegas are in packs, more so by force than genuinely choosing their set of Alphas. With all the violence happening now, I bet it justifies why so many Omegas rushed to pick whatever pack they could string in.

And their resentment lives by making their pack miserable, by spending their money and sinking their businesses and funds to the ground.

I could never do that to another person, but then again, those Omegas could have been like me. Became of age at nineteen, forced into this world that wishes to make us feel trapped and forced into packs for their own benefit.

Will I slowly become like them? Forced out of this space, losing everything I cherish until I’m forced into a pack I don’t even desire?

“????, Astraea.”

The foreign words tug me out of the spiraling madness happening in my mind, forcing me to realize Kai is not only kneeling on the floor before me, but his hands are lightly on my cheeks, his thumbs wiping away the fresh tears running down my flushed flesh.

Shit.

“????,” he repeats when my eyes lock on his. “Breathe, Astraea.”

All I can do is nod and take deep breaths, realizing my attempt to not have a panic attack simply triggered one in the midst. It makes me feel horrible, igniting more tears to pool in my eyes, but from the look in Kai’s eyes, he’s not judging me in the slightest.