Page 99 of Knot Their Omega
“I know…”
“You can’t use his sister’s death as an excuse.”
“I’m aware.”
“Good. I’m leaving before Kenji thinks I’m taking a shit.”
“Wouldn’t want that. He’d insist on the idea of keeping you company.”
“Bad habits, I swear.”
“Go. I’ll handle things.”
“You always handle everything. You don’t get tired of it?”
“Can’t when you guys are important to me. Besides, it’s not a chore when you care about your pack. Maybe those rut-blocking drugs are fucking with Nate’s thought process, but that’s why I keep myself busy and my mind as clear as possible. If that means going to the gym every day at four a.m. and boxing thefrustration out, so be it. Nate sadly uses alcohol and drugs to make his demons go away. A shame he doesn’t realize the agony he’s inflicting with his actions.”
“No shit. Ugh. I’m going.”
“Have fun drumming for hours. Maybe warm up those vocals of yours.”
“You and I know I shouldn’t be warming anything when Kenji and I are alone. Thanks.”
“Disgustingly in love. Go away.”
“Admit it. You’re happy for us.”
“I’m happy to work and watch our Omega sleep. Now, shoo.”
“You’re the worst liar in the group.”
“Fuck off.”
The creak of the door follows with a shutting sound, and the silence hums through the atmosphere that feels tense.
Fingers brush along my cheek before running through my hair, but I don’t think I can feign sleep after such an intense revelation of a conversation.
“Rae?”
I don’t make a noise. I just slowly open my eyes, expecting to see a blurry Icarus in my line of view. I expect him to be upset, but his eyes seem to soften at my wakefulness.
“Hey. Sorry for waking you.”
I lift my head slightly and shake it from side to side, but I can’t find the words to even confront what I just overheard.
All I can think of is meeting Kenji for the first time and how he seemed to light up the room. How he wasn’t frightened at the idea of confrontation and the way his presence made me feel like I could get out of that tense situation.
To think he was told to jump off a cliff when he was at his lowest and probably would have done it if we hadn’t crossed paths that night…
My heart shatters at the mere thought.
I don’t hear myself whimper until arms encircle me and press me against a firm wall of muscled warmth. That’s when the sounds continue to escape me, muffled by the supportive hug that fights to keep me at bay.
I’ve felt the heaviness of suicide in the past. Experienced the nagging need to do the deed in hopes of running away from the world. The only thing that stopped me was how frightening the afterlife felt. To acknowledge that the unknown was so catastrophic in my mind that I couldn’t take that courageous leap forward to find out.
Some say that suicide is a courageous act.
It is because I could never gather the strength to end things. Maybe I hadn’t reached that peak of agony to end it all, but if I did, I don’t think I could take that final step.