Page 104 of Royally Matched
He saw the real me, the real Sofia. Not the princess. Not the image I project to the world. Not even the parts of me I've so carefully constructed to keep such messy feelings as love out.
Whenever I think of that time we spent in Monteluce, guilt spins it’s web around my chest, squeezing hard. We should never have gone there. We should never have shown one another how much we mean to one another. We should most certainly never have kissed.
But despite it all, I can't get him out of my head or my heart. It turns out it’s hard to forget a man who has somehow managed to breakthrough my defences, making me fall for him in a way I never wanted to again in my life. Not after what happened with Reynold.
I shake my head at the irony of the situation. I’d decided on my path. My mind was set. I was going to avoidall those messy, frightening feelings of love and entanglement and instead opt for an arranged marriage to a man with whom I could form a sensible partnership based on mutual respect.
What did I do instead? I fell head over heels in love with a man so very far from the sort of man I know I should be with, I may as well be a cat falling in love with the moon. Marco is wrong for me on so many levels. He’s younger than me, he’s irresponsible, he’s spent his adult life pursuing fun. Fun is a word that’s barely in my vocabulary. For me, duty has always come first. Duty and honor and doing the right thing. Being the best princess I can be for my country.
While I’ve been in Ledonia working with my charities and causes and being a responsible member of the royal family in the public eye, Marco has been travelling the world, doing whatever work comes his way before moving to the next place and then the next, without a care in the world until he stumbled across a career that he decided to throw himself into head first.
How different can two people be?
But I find myself drawn to him in such a way that I forget my checklist that had felt so important before. I forget that I’m a member of the royal family, who should be upholding standards of decorum, always doing the right thing.
I forget everything because in his eyes I’m beautiful.
Desired.
Loved.
My chest tightens and I roll my shoulders to try to release it. It’s futile because it’s not my muscles or my joints that hurt. It’s my heart. It’s broken in two, just like I always feared it would be. Marco inched his way into my heart bit by bit, breaking down my closely held walls, opening meup to the possibility of being loved in the way I had always hoped I could be.
I look over at Alex, waiting for his bride, resplendent in his red jacket with gold brocade, the smile on his face showing the world how he feels about this woman walking toward him. He only has eyes for her, and as she reaches him, they beam at one another, their hands laced together.
“Distinguished members of royalty, esteemed guests, ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today in the presence of God to unite these two lives in holy matrimony. It is with great honor and reverence that we welcome you to this most solemn and joyous occasion?—”
I’m barely listening as the Archbishop of Malveaux speaks. Instead, I’m riveted by my brother and his bride. Their gazes are locked, the love they have for one another written across their faces. Despite the turmoil raging inside of me, I’m happy for my brother. He always struck me as someone lost, not even sure what he was searching for, until he found Maddie. Now, he’s whole. Complete. Happy in the knowledge that his future is where he’s meant to be, with the woman he loves.
As the Archbishop announces the first hymn, I stand and mumble the familiar words, my throat dry.
“Are you going to be sick?” Amelia hisses beside me. “Because if you are, do it under the pew in front of you, or in your handbag.”
“Don’t hurl, whatever you do,” Max says, throwing his eyes over my face.
I shake my head. “I’m fine.” The idea that I might throw up during a televised wedding is enough to harden my resolve to push my negative feelings away. I need to focus on the joy today brings my family.
“You don’t look fine,” Amelia says.
Am I really that obvious? Both my siblings wonderingwhat the heck is wrong with their sister, a sister who’s usually so poised and together, if a little bossy.
Eventually, the service comes to an end, and smiling so hard their faces could break in two, the newlyweds skip down the aisle, and out into the sunshine on this glorious summer’s day. The sound of the cheering crowd echoes around the stone building above the music, and we begin to file out of the cathedral, waving briefly at the crowd before we climb into the state vehicles and form a procession back to the palace.
“All right. Spill,” Amelia instructs as I wave out the window at the cheering crowds fluttering their dual Malveaux and Ledonia flags in the air.
I tighten my jaw. “There’s nothing to spill.”
“Do you think we’re complete idiots?” Max asks, sitting across from us. “We might be younger than you, but we’re not stupid, you know. We can tell something's wrong, Sofe.”
“Is it nerves? Is seeing Alex and Maddie get married making you nervous about whether you should marry Enzo?”
I nod because that’s part of the truth. Just nowhere near the whole truth.
“I really don’t know why you’re thinking of marrying that boring old git,” Max says, and receives a swift kick to the shin from Amelia. “Ow! What the heck did you do that for? Heisa boring old git. You said it yourself only yesterday.”
“He’s our sister’s friend who may become her fiancé,” Amelia says, shooting him a stern look and looking more like me than herself.
“I don't care. He's still boring. I asked him what he thought of our chances at the next Rugby World Cup, and he said he doesn’t follow rugby. So, I asked him what hethought of the team we’ve got for the next European Cup, and he asked me for what sport? Can you believe it? Everyone knows it’s soccer.”