Page 9 of Reckless
Margret Hegarty
It had been weeks since I meet Michael and each time I snuck out and spent time with him, the deeper I fell for him. I was falling so hard that there was no way back. I had nothing to catch onto; there was nothing to break my fall.
“Margret that’s burning,” My mother’s sharp tongue wakes me from my slumber. The small sheet of smoke clings to the ceiling of the room but once my mother opens the oven door a blast bursts out; I cough and cover my mouth.
“The door.” She coughs while pulling out the trays. I open it as she throws the tray of brown bread out onto the lawn. I follow her outside, with burning eyes.
“Child I don’t know where your heads at these days. But take it out of the clouds.”
As the smoke leaves, I’m staring at the smouldering black blocks. “I’ll quickly go to Tim’s and get more ingredients.”
My mother looks nervously at the sky. “We should wait until your father returns.”
“That’s exactly why we shouldn’t wait. I need to fix this.”
“You need to focus, Margret.” There is a sadness in her eyes like she knows I was daydreaming about Michael, like that’s all it is, a daydream.
“I love him,” I admit.
“Love.” She tuts and shakes her head focusing on the brown bread. “That’s for fools.”
“What about Father?”
“He’s a good man. A good husband and a good father.” But there is no mention of love. I want to tell her right here and now as we stand over the wasted ingredients that I wasn’t like her. I wouldn’t settle for good.
“I won’t be long.” She doesn’t protest and I leave through the back gate. A heaviness has set on my shoulders. Was that really life? Did we settle for good? Was love for fools?
The backstreet behind our row of houses is empty as the sky darkens overhead. Being out alone sinks in and I move faster down the alleyway. I’m ready to let out a deep breath as I move towards the mouth of the alleyway that will lead out onto the sidewalk when a man with a peaky cap steps out in front of me.
I lower my gaze and try to walk around the man. An arm tightens around my waist. Green eyes smile down at me and I shiver at the intentions I see in his eyes. His fingers prod into my side.
“Excuse me,” I try to sound brave and push away but his hold on me tightens. Hair’s rise all over my body and it’s like the air has been whipped from my lungs.
“Let me go.” I try to keep the panic out of my voice but it rattles my words.
“No need to be like that.” He’s moving us back into the alleyway.
“My father will be looking for me.” I’m trying to keep an eye on our steps and what’s behind the man. The iron grip that he keeps on me is making my wriggling useless.
Rough cold brick pokes through the light material of my work dress.
“You let me go now or I’ll start screaming.” He licks his lips, teeth stained from cigarette smoke that clings to his clothing too. His large hand covers my mouth quickly. Pressing heavily across my mouth restricts me from biting.
“Just be quiet. It will be quick.” Using his body he keeps me pinned against the wall and my lungs can’t seem to find air. Closing my eyes tightly I try to imagine whatever this is, is over. The rattle of his belt has me tightening my eyes. Warm breath on my face has me looking at him. I scream against his hand uselessly. My head connects with the wall. Blackness coats my vision but clears quickly. His breathing is heavier now as he strokes himself against me. I shift my legs closer together and he doesn’t flinch at my movement. Warmth spreads across the top of my thigh and I don’t know what just happened. He’s releasing me stepping away from me while buckling his belt. I can’t move. I can’t look away from him. My vision blurs with tears obscuring my view. He’s no more than a shadow walking away.
“Margret.”
I blink and tears fall clearing my vision. I push away from the wall. My cheeks burn. Michael is at the end of the alleyway with another man who is holding the man who did something to me. I’m looking at my leg now to see if it’s blood. A white substance still coats my leg and heat burns my ears.
“Don’t come any closer,” I tell Michael. I can’t let him see this. He’ll think I’m soiled. I’m turning my back on him.
“You’re bleeding,” I can feel the warmth on my neck.
“She came onto me.” The man’s words have my eyes filling with shame.
“I need to go home.” I turn to go back down the alleyway but Michael stops me with a gentle hand. Turning me slowly I don’t look into his eyes as fear seems to grip my throat.
I know the moment he sees the other man’s seed on my leg. The sharp intake of breath and then he releases me. I want to curl up or run.