Page 89 of The Guru: Shadow
I need control.
And there it was again – the voice in her – that told her she was a worthless piece of shit, unable to get anything done, not even stick to a fucking routine, let alone keep a job or a boyfriend. Or best friend. Or her thoughts.
The only thing she could control was pain.
Consuming her whole, the urge to either hit into something or cut something open greeted her like the old friend it was, with the sweet promise of release.
To not draw attention to her, she pinched herself with her nails hard into her right forearm, where the skin was most sensitive while trying to breathe through the needed release.
Being able to think a bit more clearly, she went back to Instagram.
If I delete the posts, it will not matter, because people make screenshots and there are archives.
I can turn off the comments and the ability to receive messages, that’s something at least.
She was never a social media poster like Julie or Cat, so it took her not even three minutes to turn all the comments off. And although they were gone now, her inner voice repeated what people wrote her.
Never ever would he go for such an ugly one
Manipulator
Typical money-grabber
Slut
Wonder how good she fucks, as she’s not a looker
Shaking herself, she went to read the messages in her main inbox.
Julie
Just saw Deis’ story and your post! What the hell, Em!
You gotta tell me eeeeeverything!
You won’t believe a fucking thing, Julie.
Sienna
You’re famous, Em. Never thought you to be the one who gets a guy like him.
Especially him, after all.
Typical Sienna,she groaned in her mind. Extraordinarily good at making me feel bad all the time.
And there it was. The message that let her heart sink to the bottom of the floor, immediately pounding ever so hard.
Chris the fucker
Hypocrite bitch you are!
How long have you been fucking him?
No wonder you never wanted sex with me, you’ve been fucking him all the time
Disgusting whore!
Anger and rage infiltrated her and consumed her the moment she read his message.