Page 38 of Midnight Whispers
“I don’t think I’m deserving ofherlove.”
“You are.” He takes a deep breath, and I know what iscoming next. “What are you going to do about her being a mortal?”
“I have not thought about it enough to know what I’m going to do.”
“You know that’s something you must figure out if you want it to continue. That’s why our kind doesn’t typically pursue anything with mortals. I willalwayssupport you,” he says while taking a deep breath. “However, this isn’t something to take lightly. I hope you aren’t being careless about this, especially not while your heart is involved.”
I nod in understanding.. Taking my silence, he ends this conversation. Asher pats me gently on the shoulder and leaves my room. I fall onto my bed and lay flat on my back, staring up at the ceiling for some time. Here, I’m alone with my thoughts. The thoughts that consume me of what kind of a future I want with Lillia, but also what kind of future I’m takingawayfrom her.
She’ll have no children.
There will be no aging.
All I can offer her isme.
Will that be enough?
After some time has passed, I check the clock on my phone, which says just before seven. I decide it’s time to finish getting ready to go back to her house. Dressing in my typical dark jeans and black t-shirt, I make my way down to the library on the first floor. The automatic lights turn on as I open the double doors. The recessed lighting lines the rows of books along the walls and throughout the room.
One of the plus sides to being changed in 1880, is that I have first editions to one of Lillia’s favorite novels. Along the back of the library are several shelves and I look to find the shelf in the very far left corner, where we hold all of the first editions both Asher and I have collected over our many lifetimes. Iwrap the first edition ofDracula,the yellow cloth of the cover in great condition, up in a dark blue wrapping paper and finish it off with a chiffon ribbon.
Pausing for a moment, I look around at the collection of books we have accumulated. The life we have lived together has been anything but boring and while I am grateful, I cravemore. My chest aches that I don’t have someone, besides Asher, to share all of this with. I close my eyes and let my imagination conjure up the life Lillia and I would shareifI were to change her. The rich golden hue of her eyes now crimson with the burning desire for the taste of human blood, only consumed by her thirst. Years down the road, when she was established and had her craving for blood under control, we could travel and see the world.
There was only a small part of me that wanted to change her, but every other part of me screams in disapproval. The moments and experiences she would lose far outweigh the ones she would gain. My stomach knots as I imagine how differently her life could be if I were to change her. We could live together as we are now, never moving forward. On the other hand, she could find someone to grow old with. She could have children and watch them age, continuing her family line that will end with her if I were to change her. I shake my head in hopes that my thoughts would be erased, like my mind is an etch-a-sketch and the images I just created would disappear.
Without saying goodbye to Asher, I make my way back to Lillia’s cottage. My mind is racing while I walk along the forest’s edge, the same thoughts plague me over and over. Even walking at a speed slower than my sprint, I arrived in record time. My stomach is tossing and turning as I get up to the base of her steps. Clutching the copy of Dracula in my hands, my fingers dig into the spine. I release a deep breath, unnecessary but it feels natural. It does absolutely nothing to help thetwisting happening right now. Truth be told, I don’t understand why I’m as nervous as I am, but I am practically sick with the nerves.
Raising my hand, I knock a couple of times, and step away from the door. Yelling ensues from the inside of the house, and I recognize it’s not Lillia’s voice, so it must be Flora. She opens the door, and I’m met with the most intense stare. If I’m being honest, this woman is terrifying. With pursed lips, she looks me up and down slowly, starting at my feet and making their way to my face. Lillia comes into view and every nerve I had been feeling leaves my body instantly.
“Good evening, love,” I say, trying to make my voice sound as smooth as possible. “This is for you.”
She extends her hand to the book. I can tell by her facial expression she’s taken back by the gesture. Once she opens it, however, I know she will be floored. Gift giving has always been something that brings me immense joy, but giving Lilliagifts to show her the extent of her importance to me will be my new favorite thing.
17
The knockat the front door makes my heart stop and quickens at the same time. That sensation was something new to me, but I welcome it.
“I’ll get it!” Flora yells from across the house.
“Be nice!” I yell back, but I can already guess the expression that will be plastered on her face as the door opens. I smooth out my wavy hair, close my eyes, and take a deep breath, silently hoping that the butterflies flying around my stomach would just go away because I can’t concentrate on anything except for them. My thoughts are circling so quickly that I can’t grasp just one, but all I know is that I’m scared.
Oh my, I amsoscared.
“Good evening, love.” He purrs, his voice smooth like velvet. “This is for you.”
“Hey.” My eyes widened.What did I just say?“I mean, yes good evening.”
I want to go crawl into my bed and hide. He smiles softly and looks away from me. My eyes are immediately drawn to his mouth, images of the kiss we shared only earlier today flashthrough my mind. I force myself to look away from his lips, lifting my gaze to his eyes to find him searching for mine.
Extending my hand, I take the wrapped gift out of his hands. Based on the size of the gift, I can tell it’s a book.
He looks at me and I meanreallylooks at me, almost like he’s searching for hidden truths within my stare. The air grows thick between us, and it becomes painfully obvious that Flora is still in the room with us. I break our eye contact and look toward where she’s sitting on the couch. Her brows are furrowed, and I don’t know if it’s out of confusion, curiosity, or concern.
Maybe all three.
I unwrap the gift and every ounce of oxygen leaves my throat when I see afirst editionDracula.
“I can’t accept this.” I basically throw it back into his grasp.