Page 29 of No Other Love

‘I’m killing myself trying to get through this exam and work without losing my mind, when most people take a whole year off to study for it. But we can’t afford to lose my income for that long, can we?’

His head snapped back, as if I’d slapped him.

We made decent money between us. Enough to pay rent, save a little for a really rainy day and he sent more than a quarter of his money back home to his parents. But yes, Mumbai was the most expensive city in South Asia, we couldn’t afford for me to not work for a whole year and just study for the MD exam.

And asking my loaded father for help was out of the realm of possibility.

I felt my chest tighten. The words hung in the air between us. Cancerous. Leaching all the love we’d ever had. Killing it from the inside out.

‘Vikrant…’

‘I’m sorry, then,’ he said evenly. ‘I’m sorry for standing in the way of your dreams. Your fucking goals. I’m sorry, Anika, that my family and my problems are obstacles for you.’

A tear slipped out unbidden down my cheek. Because I knew he wasn’t sorry.

He wanted to be right. He wanted me to pay. He wanted me to back down because his needs were more important than mine. They were more immediate and involved his helpless parents. And he was a dutiful son to them more than he’d ever want to be my husband, my champion.

‘Yes.’ I thumbed the culprit tear away. ‘You are. Just like my father.’ Willing him to refute my words. Make me take them back.

He said nothing. He didn’t even look at me. Just looked at his empty hands as if they held the answer to all our problems.

That was the first of many times, Vikrant walked away. First into the next room, then to the family lawyer’s office…and then right out of my life.

***

We never recovered from the accusations we hurled at each other during that first fight. The bitter venom behind them.

We went to the divorce lawyer two weeks later, on the first mutually free day we had.

And there Vikrant had announced his intention to return back to Aronda and run the town hospital - a position that came with a significant pay bump, huge house, and other amenities. He’d bludgeoned me with his decision.

I couldn’t believe he’d actually just abandon me like that. Or, worse,expectme to move states just to take care of his folks while my own career was just taking off.

And, to be fair, he hadn’t asked me to move.

The counsellor had asked us both to consider what it was we wanted, and we’d said opposite things.

I wanted to finish my MD exam and continue living in Mumbai. He wanted to move somewhere else and start again.

That’s when I knew, deep in my heart, love wasn’t enough to surmount the mountain of obstacles facing us. Our opposite personalities, our opposing ambitions had destroyed our relationship.

So, it had broken my heart when he’d actually packed his things and left. Just like that.

As if almost a decade of loving someone could vanish in a moment.

Sixteen

Anika

Tonight, when I dreamed of it all, I cried a little. Like I did each time when I dreamed of it all. And I whispered his name in a broken voice.

Vikrant.

This time, a gentle hand shook me awake. Warm and reassuring. Essential.Familiar.I snuggled into the palm, resting my cheek against it. And I thought I felt hot lips brush against my temple. But when I opened my eyes, Vikrant was sitting at the very edge of the bed, his face half in shadow in the lamplight.

Completely expressionless. As remote and untouchable as a statue god, but so alive in his sleevelesstee and track pants.

I ached to touch him, to crawl into his very bones and stay there.