Page 36 of No Other Love

'I wasn’t going to give a speech.’ She sat cross-legged against the metal drawers. Her mutter was barely audible.

All of a sudden, she looked dwarf-like against the wall. Even though she was not that small. I felt a spurt of protectiveness. And hardened my instincts. She didn’t need protection. Not when she was capable of destroying me with mere words.

‘Are you…?’ I cleared my throat, the words sticking in them. Afraid to come out. Afraid of her answer even more. 'Are you seeing someone?’

Incredibly, she looked stunned. Hurt chasing across her delicate features, showcasing the slight downturn of her plump, just-kissed lips. ‘Why? Are you?’ she asked quietly.

I hesitated. Then shook my head. I didn’t want to hurt her like that, even for a second. ‘No, I haven’t had the time to look for anyone in that way. The clinic takes up all my time.’

‘Did you think I’d come here,” she asked dangerously quietly, ‘And pretend to be your loving wife if I was with someone? Is that what you think of me, Vikrant?’

I sighed and sat cross-legged opposite her. ‘No. I don’t think you’ll ever do that. Your honesty is troublesome, but you are honest.’

Anika shot me a justifiably bitter look. ‘I don’t think this is a compliment.’

I checked my nails out. They’d grown a bit. Time for a simple manicure. ‘That is not what I meant.’

‘Then what? You were checking to make sure you didn’t trespass on some other dude’s property?’She was this close to exploding. I could feel it.

I sighed. Loudly. Extremely suffering. ‘God, Ani. Give me a break,’ I tried again, ‘I just lost my freaking mind and kissed you when you are here as a favor to me.’

‘And here I thought you were jealous.’

‘Very funny.’ I gave her a small smile.

I wanted to tell her the truth. Jealousy was a small emotion compared to how I felt when I thought ofmyAnika, my wife, with some other man. Every cell in my body protested at the idea, however sexist it was, of Anika belonging to some other man. Him kissing her, like this. Holding her as if she was his personal salvation.

God!

I needed help. I needed to stay the fuck away from her. It was the kindest thing to do, for either of us.

I stood up in a fluid motion and held my hand out. She took it and I pulled her up slowly.

‘Come on.’ I squeezed her fingers once and then stepped back, well back from her. ‘Let’s go home and grab some food. Clearly food deprivation is a real problem.’

I prayed she’d take the lifeline and not press the issue further. I could see the mark I’d left on her torso, red and shining. The tunic had shifted so the seams were misaligned. And I had a sudden vision of tearing the damn thing off her and feasting on her like a man deprived.

She took the bait. ‘Clearly.’

And that was the end of that ill-fated interlude.

Twenty

Anika

Anika, youidiot, why couldn’t you keep your stupid mouth shut!

I snuck a glance at Vikrant, resplendent and sohandsomein the traditional dhoti pants, hisjanoiceremonial thread gleaming unholy white against his fit, brown chest.

He clapped the bells for the evening aarti while the thaali, the ritual plate, I held went slack.I was such an idiot, I cursed myself out for the hundredth time, missing out on tonguing Vikrant, the love of my forlorn life.

When he saw me looking at him, he tipped his head, as if to ask, what? I gave him a small smile and shook my head.

All around us, the family sang the songs for the aarti along with the visitors who’d arrived in steady streams throughout the day.

Luckily, Vikrant had planned ahead for this and ordered sweet-and-sour chivdaa – a crunchy snack mix - and store-bought sweet modaks, a coconut dessert made especially for Ganesh Chathurthi, by the kilo to give as prasad, the host’s offering. It was just my job to hand the trays of food to the guests.

Vikrant’s mom and aunt were manning the kitchen with military efficiency. And zero complaint from Vikrant’s mom.